Monthly Archives: March 2009

Baby Blues

I’m definitely feeling it. It seems like just the normal kind though. I just mostly feel a little useless. Kind of don’t know what to do with myself. I’m still playing WoW and what not, but I just feel like I should be doing more. I know I’m sustaining a life, but she sleeps so much and when she is awake, she’s quite often crying inconsolably. I find myself feeding her just because I know it will make her stop crying. I feel so useless because I can’t make her better.

Part of me wonders if she would even care if I were here. I mean, if she had a boob to suck on and someone to change her diaper, would she even notice if I were gone. They talk about the baby liking the sound of your voice from hearing it in the womb, but I wonder if she feels any attachment to me what’s so ever.

I also miss Curtis a lot of the time. Even when he’s here. I’m not quite sure what I pictured that it would be like, but I thought that I would be so much happier when I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I am happy, but things are different of course. I don’t have time that I can just cuddle with him. Luckily Curtis’s parents are willing to watch her while we take long showers. I like our showers.

I’m hoping all this will eventually pass. I know it will. I have appointments made with Dr. Newbold so I can talk about things. Not for a couple more weeks though. I’ll be fine until then.

OMG I’m A Mom!

As I sit here typing this blog, I have a 6 day old strapped to my chest with my Sleepy Wrap. She loves to be on my chest and so this thing is great.

She is wonderful. I wont say that I haven’t been frustrated at times, but I’m so amazed that I can love this little thing so much so quickly.

She is breastfeeding wonderfully. She was having some spit up problems in the beginning, but now she just does it a little. My milk has come in with a vengeance.

We had some problems with her sleeping at night. I’ve pretty much figured out that she needs to feed and then fall asleep on me. This means we’ve been sleeping on the couch. I’m kind of scared about her sleeping on me because she’s on her stomach and there’s blankets around and stuff, but my mom said she did it with me and my brother all the time. I just gave up trying to go to the bedroom last night and we actually got like 8 hours sleep (of course we woke up every few hours for feeding).

She has bacteria in her eye that the pediatrician gave us eye drops for. He said it’s not a big deal at all. Her skin is peeling around her eyes because he said the white blood cells go to her eyes and then she cries them out and they eat her skin. He also told us we need to start giving her vitamin D since I’m breastfeeding exclusively. And she sneezes and gets the hiccups a lot–both are normal. Also, she was born at 7 lbs 4 oz. At discharge she was 7 lbs even. Monday (3 days old), she was 7 lbs 2 oz. Tuesday she was 7 lbs 6 oz (not sure about this measurement… seems like a lot).

Her cord fell off yesterday. I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t exactly want to keep it, but I don’t want to throw it away either. We were doing disposable diapers until her cord fell off and were going to continue to do them until she gets to 8 lbs, but I tried one on her today. They’re cute.

As for me, I feel pretty good. My stitches itch a ton. I’ve only cried a little and it’s mostly when I really want to go to sleep at night. I also feel a little overwhelmed when we try to leave the house. I think that’s pretty normal. I also wish I had more Curtis time. It makes me sad that we can’t cuddle at night. We can both fit on the couch together though. Holy crap my belly is shrinking fast. It’s at about a month (of pregnancy) per day. If I went in public right now, people probably wouldn’t even think I was pregnant. I’m trying to watch out for depression though. Everyone around me is. I think I’ll feel even better once I can go on walks outside. The weather has been bad though.

Over all, things are good.

Peanut’s Birth Story

***This is all viewed from after the events. Hindsight is only 20/20.***

Drum roll please…

3.18.09 Contractions started at about 4 p.m. Of course, I had Braxton Hicks contractions towards the end of my pregnancy, but never more than 5-10 in a day. These were coming every 10 minutes (give or take) and felt different. I did the Bradley list of things to determine if this was really “it.” Took a nap, ate some food, drank a bunch of water, took a bath (didn’t go on a walk that night because by the time I had finished the other things, it was dark outside). Contractions kept coming. Even with doing all these things, they stayed the same distance apart and weren’t getting worse and so I kind of figured that it was false labor. So I decided to try to sleep.

3.19.09 I woke up about every hour while I was sleeping, but still ended up getting somewhere between 6 and 8 hours. When I woke up contractions were feeling a little worse, but weren’t any closer together. I decided to busy myself by working on some last minute things like laundry and packing a diaper bag. Throughout the day, the contractions got somewhat worse and were about 7 minutes apart (still give and take a couple minutes). Towards the evening, I felt the need to lay down and concentrate on the contractions. We just sat around and watched tv and what not.

In the late evening, I started feeling a lot of pressure in my bowels and pain in my back. I tried taking a bath, but it only relieved the back pain. I layed on the couch with a heat pad on my back and tried to concentrate on other things. Contractions were no closer together, so I assumed that I wasn’t that far into my labor and the pain was going to get much worse, so I should be able to deal with this easily. At about 10 p.m., Curtis called the midwife to let them know I was in labor and see what we should be doing to relieve some of my pressure in my bowels. She said it sounded like I was constipated and I needed to drink lots of water. She gave us the options of A) coming in and getting a sleeping pill because it sounded like me and my uterus were tired, B) going into a hospital that’s closer to us to get checked (University Hospital is about an hour away), or C) stay home. Curtis asked me what I wanted to do. At this point I started crying and said I couldn’t do it anymore and I didn’t know what I wanted to do. We realized at the time that this sounded like transition, but assumed that it wasn’t really because of contractions being too far apart and all it took was some simple comforting for about a minute and I was fine. We also called our Bradley teacher and she asked lots of questions that got us to the conclusion that I just needed to rest and drink lots of water.

3.20.09 I kind of put off making the decision of whether or not to leave within my own head and therefore chose the latter. I was feeling incredibly tired at this point, so I went back and forth between laying on the bed and dozing between contractions then writhing in pain during contractions and sitting in all fours in the shower with incredibly hot water hitting my back with the contractions being semi-manageable. Curtis force fed (with love) me 4 bottles of water during this time and I kept trying to poop when I felt like I might be able to. Then comes the moment. I feel like I really could poop (this is all so lovely and modest btw), so I go to the bathroom and start to try. I wasn’t pushing during contractions. Quite honestly, I don’t think I had a contraction for the entire time I was thinking I was trying to poop. Suddenly and suprisingly, I felt pressure in my vagina along with the pressure in my bowels. I decided to check if it was really what I thought it was and was surprised that she was only about an inch from crowning and my water hadn’t broken. I told Curtis and he didn’t believe me, so he checked himself. When he felt her head, he called our Bradley teacher because she is a doula and has had an accidental home birth herself. She told him to grab towels and get ready. Then he called the midwife answering service and gave them our info for the midwife to call him back. He went and got his mom (we live in his parent’s basement) and she came downstairs. During this time I didn’t push at all because I didn’t feel an urge to. Curtis’s parents came downstairs. Curtis’s dad called 911 while Curtis grabbed towels and his mom comforted me. Curtis got me up because I needed to squat. I tried to, but Curtis’s mom couldn’t hold me up and Curtis needed to catch the baby, so I got onto all fours. I felt the urge to push, so I did. I felt the “ring of fire,” but didn’t know how to keep myself from pushing because the urge was so incredible. So apparently at some point during this, I tore. Curtis says that when she came out that she still had the amniotic sac over her head and figures it broke when her shoulders came through. She was entirely out within what I think was one contraction.

I flipped over and Curtis put her on me. About a minute after she was born, the sheriff showed up. The paramedics quickly followed. We probably ended up with about 10 emergency personnel in the basement. I tried to breastfeed first thing, but couldn’t for the life of me remember anything that they told me in the classes. I was only wearing my red dress and I got frustrated because it was in the way, so I took it off. I didn’t even care that all those people saw me naked. After the paramedics showed up and started doing things, Curtis was kind of pushed into the back, but I could still see him. At some point he made a joke about how it looked “like someone died in there.” Even in all the stress and excitement, I was able to laugh. They were looking for clamps to cut the cord and I told them I didn’t want to cut it until it was done pulsating. I was able to hold them off for a couple minutes, but it was still cut before we would have liked. I understand that they were just going by procedure and they were really nice about working with me. They took the baby and checked her vitals and gave her to Curtis while they stood me up and put me on the gurney. When I stood up, the placenta came out. We went to Mckay Dee because it was the closest hospital. It was the first time any of us had been in an ambulance. Curtis rode behind me in a seat with a belt and Dea was wrapped up in towels in my arms. I tried to protest them giving me an IV, but again they needed to for procedure. There are some things that a birth plan just can’t anticipate.

When we got to the hospital, they took us into a room where the OB came in and stitched me up. She said I tore up and down. I think it was just first degree. Honestly, one of the most painful things of the night was the feeling of the anesthetic being injected into my sensitive areas. The doctor wasn’t very nice, but we found out later that she had just delivered two babies at pretty much the same time, so we understand. While she was stitching me, a nurse came over and helped me breastfeed. She latched on great. I told them I didn’t want pitocin, but they said that I was bleeding too much and gave it to me anyway. After we were done, they put me in a wheelchair and we went to the nursery to bathe her. Curtis helped and I took pictures. Then they took us to our room and our family came in and saw us.

It took a lot of effort for me to get them to take the IV out. First they said after I was in my room, then they said after I ate and drank something, then they said I had to eat a full meal, then they said I had to wait an hour after eating my full meal. We got breakfast when they opened at 6 am and then I took a nap. When I woke up I finally got the IV out. They said that I would have to stay for 48 hours because I’m Group B Strep positive and was supposed to get antibiotics during labor to prevent from passing that to Dea.

Over the next days, breastfeeding went downhill, but then we talked to a lactation consultant and things are going great now. People who visited us were: my mom (multiple times), my brother, my dad (though I was asleep when he came so I never saw him), my father (multiple times), Curtis’s mom and dad (multiple times), Curtis’s brother, and our friend Erich. Every time she went to the nursery to get checked or blood work done, Curtis went with her (except one time when he was asleep so I went with). She had high hemoglobin at one point (thick blood is how they explained it), and so she had to get supplements of pedialyte. Luckily we were able to do this my just inserting a little tube while she was breastfeeding. When they checked her blood sugar, she was fine. When they did the check four hours later on both, she was fine. The pediatrician gave us the go ahead to stop giving her the pedialyte after only a few feedings. Quite honestly she spit most of it back up anyway. My blood pressure was high when we first got there (I friggin’ gave birth in my bathroom! who’s wouldn’t be high?! lol) so they watched me while I was there. It was only high the once though.

3.21.09 In the morning, we were given the go ahead from the pediatrician to take Dea home that afternoon (w00t! early!) and then when the OB came and visited us (she was very nice this time) she said we could leave also. We had to go to a silly discharge class that a lactation consultant gave us baby formula (irony). We left at about 2:30pm.

Thus far at home, Dea has been great. She has been feeding great (with one bout of projectile vomiting that we have attributed to her eating too much at once). Kerri (our doggy) is getting better. She didn’t want me to touch her at first and is now kind of smelling Dea and then expecting to get pet. She was a bit fussy last night (and the night before at that), but over all slept surprisingly well. She loves to be held and walked around.

I’m so happy that Dea was able to chose her own birth, no matter how unexpected it ended up being. We couldn’t have ever done this without the help from our Bradley teacher and midwife. We honestly feel that our birth deviating from the plan was not anyone’s fault (even our own), it was just such an unusual labor and no one could have done things differently. Dea is just a trickster and wanted to be born in our bathroom.

Fin.

GTFO Baby!

We had our midwife appointment yesterday. Since we were one day past our due date, some interesting things happened.

First off, they said that I should get checked so that they have a base measurement when I go into labor and delivery. I’m 1 1/2 centimeters dialated, 80% effaced (not too impressive considering I was 75% at 34 weeks), and the baby is in -1 position. I’m happy to know that my body is working, but I know that these measurements don’t really mean much when it comes to when I’ll go into labor, so I’m taking it all with a grain of salt.

We also scheduled all my Assuming I Don’t Go Into Labor Anytime Soon appointments. Next week I’m going in twice and getting monitored in labor and delivery for 20 minutes before each midwife visit. Also, if I don’t go into labor by the 30th, I’ll have to be induced. That puts me at 42 weeks and 1 day. The midwife told us that after 42 weeks the risk of fetal death doubles. I really don’t want to be induced though. Scary, scary, scary.

Then, the midwife was concerned that I might be leaking fluid, so she did an ultrasound to make sure that I had enough still in my belly. I had plenty, but that was interesting. It wasn’t a big deal thing like the last two we had. It was just this little machine that she brought into the exam room and measured the black. It was weird to see her spine though. Creepy.

So, it’s basically my biggest fear (obviously not the worse case, but probably the most likely) to be induced. It would force me to stay in bed for the most part, be monitored continuously, have a constant IV (I’m already going to have to be hooked up to antibiotics every 4 hours because I’m strep B positive), pretty much all the stuff that I ABSOLUTELY don’t want. Though I weigh it, and if my baby’s life is at risk by going further than that, then I’m willing to do all those things. Her safety is my number one priority.

I’m semi-trying to induce the labor myself. I’m just trying to get things in order around the house so I’m mentally prepared and then I’m trying to walk, eat healthy, all the other stuff I’ve been doing normally. Well, I’m trying to walk more than I have been since I haven’t been too good about doing it. I’m also trying to make sure that I don’t let myself get too tired. I don’t want to go into labor without any strength. Anywho, I’m going to go eat. Hopefully something healthy.

Pregnancy Commandments

The Pregnancy Ten Commandments

1. The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is “Congratulations” with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.

2. Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father- not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus, or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not ever use the phrase “my baby”

3. On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and the raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.

4. The body of a pregnant woman should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone’s stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.

5. Likewise, no woman wants to hear comments on her weight- ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about to pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makes her worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such comments invite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not act offended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is “You look fabulous!”

6. Most of us have picked up on the fact that summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don’t need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.

7. There is a reason that tickets to Labor & Delivery are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, mother-in-law or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt or genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.

8. Like everything else in life, unless you receive an invitation, you are not invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents’ home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to “help out”. If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.

9. If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from various locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.

10. The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask you to wait 3 weeks to visit, appreciate that you are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.

And We’re Full Term

I used to make so much noise about women who are at the end of their pregnancies and tired of being pregnant so they go and get induced and what not. Though this is still not the plan, I can’t entirely blame them.

It’s like within the past week, my body has transferred into the Fourth Trimester where this list of horrible symptoms that I wouldn’t have even associated with pregnancy just keeps getting longer and longer. My chest hurts, my friggin ribs ache, my toes are tiny sausages, the baby keeps pushing on my bowels with her fat head… I AM SO TIRED OF THIS. Seriously, stop your friggin freeloading. GTFO. I’m done.

Then again… you’re much less scary in there, aren’t you? It’s pretty dang difficult to break you in there… and there is absolutely no dealing with The Floppy Head-ness. (This has always been the scariest thing about newborns to me and the #1 reason I didn’t hold my best friend’s daughter for the first 3 months of her life).

So I’m in this constant bickering in my own head about whether or not I would prefer this baby out of me. I’m almost convinced it will never happen though. I’m not sure that this can really, TRUELY be the end of this crazy thing that has been going on with my body for the last 9 months. Then again, it’s not really the end, is it?

Tomorrow we have a Due Date Celebration planned. We’re going to eat lunch at home with the family (something that Curtis never gets to do because he usually works Sundays), go see Watchmen in IMAX with fan-friggin-tastic seats, go out to dinner, he’s supposed to paint my toenails, I’d like to do pregnancy photos, should probably figure out this whole “carseat” thing… I doubt we’ll finish all of this though. I’m excited to just have a day to spend with Curtis mostly. He took off work, doesn’t have to worry about homework (spring break this week!), blah blah blah lost my train of thought because of a contraction.

To sum things up, I recently finished Harry Potter and realized that he was the same age as us when he started having children, so I feel happy. :-/

Puter Come Back!!! I Lovesess Yooooous!

Yeah, you heard it here first, mah computer bit the dust. No funeral yet though, we’re going to fix it. “We” meaning Lance of course. He can’t look at it until Thursday though with all of the school work he has, so I’m borrowing Justin’s desktop. It doesn’t have the WoW expansion on it, so I’m downloading that currently. I also have to get all my mods. Lame!

I finished the “nursery.” Nursery is the term we use for the section of our room that will be hers.

I also worked on diaper inserts, which I really think I’m getting the hang of now. I’d like to try more fabrics, but for now I’m making 12 with 3 layers of microfiber covered in a cut up cloth diaper. I hope that this all goes well.

The Countdown

I am 39 weeks pregnant today. That makes 1 week left. I’m really not trying to get my hopes up with my actual due date, but OMFG ONE WEEK LEFT! I would like to emphasize that I don’t really count on it being one week. I’m actually thinking it will be longer if my pregnancy is anything like my mom’s. She was late on both hers (though there is some confusion with how late).

So I woke up this morning and was laying in bed doing my kegels (as always) and thinking about what I should do with this week. Of course I have my list, but I was thinking more along the lines of preparing myself for labor. I should be walking 30 minutes twice a day for Bradley, but I have been lax on that particular exercise because my round ligament pain. But I have decided that I can do anything for a week. So I’m going to try to walk at least once around our big block every morning (meaning shortly after I wake up, whenever that is) and then hopefully I’ll feel up to another go around later in the afternoon. I can walk every day for a week.

I also need to keep up on my exercises and relaxation. And of course the list. Most important things: make cloth inserts, finish Bradley reading, install carseat, taxes, bunny’s litterbox. Anything on top of that is just icing on the cake. Oh god, I want cake. ONE MOTHA-FUGGIN-WEEK LEFT!