Monthly Archives: November 2010

Don’t Judge a Relationship By Its Cover

I’m pretty sure that about 90% of the time when I’m talking about my husband, I make him sound like a douche bag.

I think that this is probably true for a lot of people (and not necessarily just the ones like me that stick their foot in their mouths). When you repeat some of the things your spouse/partner does, it makes them sound much worse than actually seeing it in context. People only see your side, they assume things, they don’t know the details surrounding it, and they make judgments. It’s a simple fact of life.

What got me to thinking about all of this was shoveling my driveway. It was about 10pm and no one else was out, but I kept picturing if one of my neighbors came outside to talk to me (possibly because I was being loud with my shoveling?). If it were one of my older neighbors (which, let’s face it, pretty much all of my neighbors are 60+, so that’s likely), what would they think about my shoveling? No, I’m not talking technique. I’m talking about the fact that I, the woman of the house, was out late at night shoveling. I see shoveling the driveway as more of a traditional “male” role. Maybe it’s just because I hate it, suck and it, and it makes my back hurt.

So they see me shoveling. Would they think that while I was taking the dog out to pee, I randomly realized that I won’t have time to shovel in the morning so I should probably do it now? Probably not. Maybe they’d think my husband was too lazy. Maybe they’d think that he made me do it. Of course, this is all speculation.

This all stems from what a girl said to me at school. This girl was part of a study group for one of my classes. While we were deciding when to do the study group, she mentioned that she would have to bring her two year old. I was already thinking about the fact that it was the weekend and that my husband wouldn’t be happy with watching Peanut because friends would be over, but figured that he could just deal with it. But since she said that she was bringing her son, I figured I could bring Peanut too and they could play. So I said “Oh, maybe I’ll bring my daughter. She’s almost two. My husband will just make noise if he has to watch her anyway (hardy har har).” Her response? “Well maybe you need to get a new husband (hardy har har).”

Seriously?

This really pissed me off. Just because my husband isn’t going to jump to watch Peanut every second of the day, that means that I need to divorce him? I’m sure it doesn’t help that she’s recently divorced, but still. From a conversation that’s less than a minute, she not only makes a judgment about my relationship, but she also tells me that it’s bad? Who is she to say? Then, of course when I decide not to bring Peanut because I don’t particularly want her playing with this girl’s son, she makes a remark about my husband getting himself together to watch his own child. Oh my god.

So just because my husband wouldn’t absolutely love to spend every second of every day with Peanut, I should drop him? So should he drop me because I’m not 100% happy watching her 100% of the time? I mean, even when I’m at home 100% of the time with her, I still want to throw her out the window sometimes. Honestly, what parent doesn’t? What parent doesn’t relish the moments that you get to yourself and get to do something you want to do? Of course, there are those parents who never, never leave their child and never, ever want to, but who says we all have to be like that?

So because my husband isn’t shoveling the driveway, he’s not a good husband? How about when I don’t do the dishes—which I’m notorious for neglecting? Don’t get me wrong, there are things that I would like my husband to work on. There are things he would like me to work on. That’s how relationships work. Yeah, there’s some effort there, but I’m sure that dealing with his flaws is much less effort than being a single mom. Not to mention that I love him. So who is she—or anyone—to tell me that there’s something wrong with my relationship?

I’m guilty of it too. Recently, I’ve been trying to convince my friend to break up with her boyfriend. I’ve never liked the guy and she’s well aware, but lately when she’s talking about him I just keep telling her to drop him because things he is doing remind me of my ex and that’s what seems like the solution to me. Key phrase: seems like the solution to me. How am I supposed to know what their relationship is really like? I’m only seeing her side and even more than that, I’m only hearing the side of hers that she needs to make noise about because it’s bothering her. Do you think any woman dwells as much on that time her boyfriend brought her flowers as much as the time he forgot?

So that’s it. I’m done telling people what to do with their relationships. Of course, I’ll still offer advice when asked for it, but I need to butt out most of the time. Beyond that, I need to try to look at both sides. Half the time when someone is asking you what to do, they’re just asking you to validate what they’ve already decided to do anyway.

So to bring this ramble of a post together, I will say one thing: Don’t judge a relationship by what you can see. People are in relationships because it works for them. You may be seeing their best moment, worst, or anything between. It’s not fair of you to superimpose your own relationship/past relationships onto theirs as if they’ll fit that exact mold. Just because you broke up doesn’t mean everyone should. Just because your husband is a douche doesn’t mean mine is. And you know what? Maybe he is a douche, and maybe I like it.

Laurel’s Story

Hello everyone! I know I’ve been pretty absent lately, but with preparing for finals life is pretty hectic. I have a lot to tell you, but it will all have to wait for another day. I just wanted to pop in and tell everyone that they should go check out the At Mother’s Breast post that came up today. I met Laurel through La Leche League and didn’t even know her story until she guest blogged for the SLC Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival a few months back. Made me cry then, and it makes me cry now. So go check it out and I’ll get back to blogging soon!

Breastfeeding Gift Basket

Today I’m going to a baby shower.

A friend of mine from Junior High School is having her second baby. We reconnected though Facebook (isn’t Facebook great like that) and she invited me to her baby shower. Being me, I of course wanted to do something breastfeeding-oriented. So I decided to make a breastfeeding basket.

I have no idea if she breastfed her first child. I don’t know her plans for breastfeeding with this child. Nevertheless, if she decides to give it a go, I’d like to make it as easier for her as possible.

I’ve had a lot of people suggest some awesome and helpful things to me to include i

n the basket, so thanks everyone for the ideas! I made an effort to stick to “in the normal course of breastfeeding” material, so I left out some of the information sheets that were pretty specific and things like nipple shields. I tried to just include things that were definitely useful or likely going to be (like how not everyone experiences sore nipples, but the majority do, so I would include info on that).

So here’s a list of all the things in the basket with a little explanation of why I included it:

Information packets- This was my big thing that I wanted to give the basket for. I included 13 different La Leche League tear-off sheets, grouped into three categories

1. General Breastfeeding: just general info on why you would want to breastfeed and such. Includes: The Importance of Breastfeeding, Breastfeeding Tips, Establishing Your Milk Supply, If Your Breasts Become Engorged, and Tips for Rousing a Sleepy Newborn.

2. Common Issues: issues I felt were common enough for new moms/babies and not so scary as to make her not want to breastfeed. Includes: Are Your Nipples Sore?, Treating Thrush, Is My Baby Getting Enough Milk?, and Breastfeeding After Cesarean Birth.

3. Working and Breastfeeding: because I believe she’s going back to work. Includes: Working and Breastfeeding, A Guide to Pumping Your Milk, Manual Expression of Breast Milk Marmet Technique, and Storing Human Milk.

All three of the bundles were rolled up so that they had the title of the most relevant information sheet facing out and tied with ribbon.

New Beginnings magazine. Printed obviously, even though they don’t make them anymore. I figured that it would give her something to read while nursing and it’s an old one that goes over Holiday Weaning. This seemed particularly useful for her because having a baby right around Christmas means that there will be lots of extended family wanting to hold the little one.

Schedule of La Leche League meetings in her area. I was lucky enough to meet this really nice lady at LLL that sent me her own personally made schedules for four different areas around here. I’ll try to mention something to her at the party about attending a meeting before the baby arrives so that she’ll have a good support group.

Water bottle: I would have liked to spring for a permanent water bottle, but money is always tight so I got her a big one that hopefully she’ll refill.

Granola bars: They’ll still be good when the baby comes and oats are good for milk production!

Lanolin sample packet: If I had to choose one thing that’s required for all new moms, this would be it.

Nursing pads: Again, I would have liked to buy cloth, but I don’t know if she’d be into that and they’re more expensive. I think that with my next child I’ll learn how to make cloth pads. Then I can just make some and throw them in in the future!

Mother’s Milk Tea: Yes, this is mostly for milk production, but it can be good for getting a good supply going too. I almost didn’t put this one in because I was afraid it would send the message that all moms have supply issues.

I took all of these things and put it into a little storage tote and tied it with a bow! I also took some scrap booking letters that spelt B-A-B-Y and put them on the side.

And that’s it! I would have liked to include a book or DVD, but again, money was the issue. A lot of the stuff that I used I already had or were things that were given to me, but overall I spent about $20 on the basket myself.

Boba Review

I. Absolutely. Love. My. Boba!!!

That’s it. Review fin. Alright, I guess I can elaborate. :-P

I’ve wanted a Boba carrier for a long time. A friend of mine had one and kept telling me how great it was for back carries, but I kept putting it off. Truth be told, they’re kind of spendy and being a young, one income family, money is tight around here. I tried a mei tai, but it wasn’t very comfortable. I tried a back carry in my SleepyWrap, but it didn’t feel as secure as I’d like. So when I was given the opportunity to review an organic Boba Carrier for my blog, I was estatic.

Having already done back carries with the mei tai, it wasn’t difficult at all to get Peanut on my back. Actually, now that I’m used to it I’d say it’s the easiest carrier to put on out of all five we own. Right at the same time that the Boba arrived in the mail, Peanut was having some major issues with falling to sleep at night. With me starting school full-time, she’s been really up and down with naps and night time sleep. So I decided that I would start getting her into a nighttime schedule again and since it was the end of a nice summer, that schedule would include a walk.

She fell asleep before I even made it around the block.

Oh my goodness this thing could work miracles! She was excited to get into the carrier and fell asleep on my back every night for a week. I did have to have my husband help me get her out, but it was great! Sadly, the weather started getting cold quickly and she stopped falling asleep in the carrier, but Peanut’s Mema has gotten her to sleep multiple times on her back for naps while I’m in class and I’ve done it for naptime too. One time when she wouldn’t sleep and we were at my in-law’s, I took her for a walk around the block, then came back and just walked around the house like normal until we decided to leave. I kind of have to walk awkwardly with her head on my back until I put the hood over her head, then I can walk entirely normal! It just feels like I have a backpack on my back and it’s not even as heavy as the one with all my books!

Speaking of Mema wearing Peanut, this is the first carrier we’ve owned that anyone—including my husband—has used besides me! And I’ve gotten three people to use it! And they all liked it! It’s amazing how easily this carrier can be switched from one person to another. All three of these people just watched me put Peanut in a couple times, then did it. Minus figuring out how to balance a toddler on your back, really zero learning curve. Daddy has even gotten Peanut to sleep in it!

This carrier has quickly become my favorite. We bring it everywhere we go and Peanut stays happy in it for extended periods of time walking around Target or the grocery store. It’s easy to put on where ever we’re at and easy to get her out of if she wants to walk. I’m excited to use it with future children when they’re younger because I think it would be super convenient during that age where you aren’t allowed to set them down to make dinner, but they’re old enough to grab things if they’re on your front. I’ve also worn my friend’s daughter (and my friend has worn her daughter in it too) in it who is 3.5 years old and about 35 lbs, and while she’s definitely heavier in it, it’s really not bad at all and she loves it too! If I would have known how much I would absolutely adore this thing, I would have definitely spent the money on it a long time ago!

But you don’t have to spend the full price! Use the code “Adventures” and you get 10% off of your Boba order until (approximately) the end of November! Hurry up and get one!