Monthly Archives: December 2010

Motherhood Maternity Boycott Update

I don’t know about any of you, but I received an email back from the Destination Maternity Marketing Partnerships department. Here’s what it said:

Good morning,

On behalf of Destination Maternity Corporation we deeply apologize for your disappointment with our Perks Program and we appreciate you taking the time to provide us with your feedback.

After signing up for the Perks Program at the time of check out, you are to receive special offers and coupons via email, as well as through the mail, from our preferred partners such as Huggies, Enfamil and many more. These items could be anything from special offers and coupons to informational brochures, relating to this exciting time in your life.

We have several safeguards in place to ensure that our team members properly explain the program to all clients, and that our clients fully understand the program before accepting.

We apologize for any inconvenience this has caused to you as a valued customer, and would be more than happy to have your email and physical address removed from all mailing lists. However, in order to do so, we will need your full name and address as provided at the point of sale. Please send us this information at your earliest convenience.

Please feel free to contact us if we can provide any further assistance in this matter.

Best regards,
DMC Marketing Partnerships

And here is my response:

DMC Marketing Partnerships,

 

Thank you for offering to take me off of the list, but I have already called and asked to be taken off.
My problem is not with the Perks Program, but rather Destination Maternity’s choice in partners. Personally, I fully understood that I would be receiving coupons and magazines in the mail—which I was happy about. The problem is when something like formula goes from simply sending me coupons that I can choose whether or not to use to actually sending formula. I understand that you are not responsible for what they choose to send me after being put on their list, but you are responsible for choosing to partner with someone who will send formula samples out to fragile new moms in hopes that they will give up on breastfeeding and “get hooked” on their brand of formula.
I would love to continue shopping at Destination Maternity stores. I would actually love to be on your mailing list because I did get many things that were nice to have. The problem is that I can not support a company that chooses to partner with another company that has obvious malicious intent. Destination Maternity could even do something as simple as an option to opt in to receive information on formula for mothers who think they may want to use it. Even an option to opt out of receiving formula information would be better than nothing.
Thank you for your time
I don’t think they really understood the point we are trying to make at all. This is more than simply wanting to be taken off of their mailing list. This is looking out for the interests of all new and future moms with intent to breastfeed. Formula companies are taking away the decision that a mother makes of whether or not to breastfeed by forcing the formula into the homes of these moms. It is absolutely wrong. They are stealing the possibility of a healthier life for that baby because they want money.

Newsletter—21 Months

Hiya Peanut,

Sorry—once again—for skipping your newsletter last month. School was really hectic because I tried to go back full-time, but that won’t happen again. It was horrible trying to juggle school, the new house, and of course, you Miss Peanut.

So over the last couple months, a lot of things have happened. We put down Kerrigan. We talked with the vet and decided that it was safer for you if she wasn’t in our house and that she probably wouldn’t get any better in a different house because her aggression was likely caused by a brain abnormality. You didn’t go with us to put her down because it seemed like the best thing. You asked me a few times where she was, but quickly forgot. Once after getting our new puppy, you told me dog is in the backyard (that’s where Kerri spent a lot of her time) and puppy is in the house. It almost made me cry.

As I already mentioned, we got a new puppy. Her name is Curie and you’re in love with her. Seriously, you get upset if we have to leave the house without her—which I will admit doesn’t happen often. She’s become our little friend who we take everywhere with us. You love to play with her, but we’re trying to get you not to play chase with her anymore because her trainer said that’s bad. Makes me sad that we have to make you stop because you get so excited to have Curie chase you around!

You’ve also become super talkative over the last couple of months. You went from one word just to symbolize what you wanted/needed to full-blown talking. You don’t do full sentences, but you’ll say the verb and pronoun of a sentence (Mama owwie!) or even ask me questions (Why baby cry?). You also started just telling me things for the sake of telling me things. Like you’ll tell me that “puppy pee”. You tell me it’s raining. You ask me why the baby in the store is crying. You have so many words—and some of them are so random—now that I’ve lost track of them. It’s seriously amazing. Also, there is 1 of everything and everything is “rerow” (yellow).

You’ve also turned into a monster. I know that I keep saying this, but I’m amazed at the malice you have sometimes. Like the other day when you were trying to feed Curie your bagel. It was really tormenting that little dog because I wasn’t letting her get it, but you kept putting it almost in her reach. I told you to stop, you ignored me. I told you to stop or I’d take it away, you looked right at me while you were doing it. I took it away and you cried a lot. I told you you could have it back if you didn’t give it to the dog, you said “yeah!”. I give it to you, you try to give it to the dog. I throw it away. You have a bigger fit. This happens constantly. Also, if I tell you not to do something and then stop paying attention, you call “Mama!” while you’re doing it because you want me to see you disobeying. Malice!

Christmas is 5 days away. Last year, you were obviously alive and aware, but I don’t think you really understood Christmas. This year, you’ve been helping me change the candy cane in the countdown until Christmas. You made everyone gifts (with a lot of help). You absolutely adore Christmas lights on houses. I did make the mistake of taking you with me to get your Christmas gifts. I think it would have been fine if you hadn’t seen the little shopping cart. You had an absolute fit that you couldn’t have it to play with then and there. I hid it in my trunk and then, of course, you saw it again and had another fit.

And now some pictures!

Puppy was chewing on something, so you decided to chew on something too.

You were very proud of your "traffic jam" you made.

Motherhood Maternity Boycott

Hello all!

I am amazed at all of the comments I’ve received and continue to receive on my last post about a possible boycott of Motherhood Maternity. There seems to be a resounding “Yes!” that we should indeed boycott, so I’ve written this letter for everyone to send in. You’re welcome to edit and add as you’d like.

Since this is an issue with a partnership that they have, I feel it prudent to send these letters to the Vice President of Marketing Partnerships Zanny Oltman. You’re welcome to also send the message to the general marketing partnerships department. Here are the email addresses:

zoltman {at} destinationmaternity {dot} com

marketingpartnerships {at} destinationmaternity {dot} com

This boycott involves all Destination Maternity stores and brands. Be sure to watch out for their brands when shopping for maternity clothes at Babies R Us, Macy’s, and Kohl’s too. A complete list can be found here: http://destinationmaternitycorp.com/HomeBrand.asp

Here’s the email:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am one of the many mothers who gave my information to a store representatives at one of your Destination Maternity Corporation stores (Motherhood Maternity, Pea in the Pod, and/or Destination Maternity) and consequentially had infant formula samples sent to me by one of your “select partners”. I, along with the other mothers who have been and will continue to send you these emails, urge you to rethink your “partnership” with these formula companies. While many moms do choose to formula feed—which is their decision to make—I choose not to, but having these actual cans of formula sitting in my house puts me at risk of ending my breastfeeding relationship prematurely. It puts all mothers and babies who are sent these cans of formula at risk. No matter the determination of a mother to breastfeed, having those cans sitting there calling to her in the middle of the night when she’s sleep deprived, likely in pain, and just looking for some relief, can easily act as a detriment to her choice to breastfeed. Formula companies know this and take advantage of it by sending formula to expecting mothers through “partnerships” such as the one you are involved in and giving away free formula to hospitals to give away to new parents. Baby-friendly Hospital Initiative, Ban the Bags and Best for Babes are just three organizations that recognize the harm this free infant formula can cause.

We send you these emails to inform you that until you cease this partnership, we will no longer be shopping at your stores or buy your brands. We also plan to send the message along to all current and future moms we encounter that Motherhood Maternity, Pea in the Pod, and Destination Maternity stores do not value breastfeeding by holding this partnership. On the contrary, you are risking ending your breastfeeding relationship prematurely by shopping at these stores.

Thank you for your time,

{insert your name here}

Lastly, please leave a comment here letting me know that you have sent in an email to Destination Maternity so that we can kind of keep count of how many of us are joining in the boycott. Thank you all for joining me in this cause against breastfeeding booby traps!

What Is Weaning?

In the rocking chair
with you hitching in my arms
your head against my chest
I’m holding you so tight
How did we get to this place?

It was a simply request
on both sides
a request for comfort and love
in the way she knows best
a request to simply try
try to survive without

The clash caused upset
caused screaming, tears, anger
Don’t touch me!
Feelings hurt, but with understanding
This is hard
harder than we could have ever imagined

Even when I let you lead our way
I still must set limits
but how do I know those limits are right?
How can they be right when they cause you pain?

This is a poem I came up with while I was attempting to get Peanut to go back to sleep without milk. She had just gone to sleep less than an hour before, so she definitely had a full belly. She wasn’t sick as far as I could tell. She seemed to just randomly wake up and stay up for whatever reason. This is a fight we’ve had before, but it’s hard every time.

Of course you all know I’m against cry-it-out. What you don’t know is that my child does cry in the room with me. When she’s not falling asleep, but is really close, I sometimes unlatch her and try to get her to finish falling asleep on her own. I don’t particularly want to night-wean, but it would be nice if she could sort of fall asleep on her own. I feel like it’s the natural progression with the fact that she’s mostly sleeping through the night now. (knock on wood)

She of course fights it and gets upset. It does end up working sometimes. I’ll tell her “Just try and if you can’t, then you can have milk.” Sometimes she tries and it doesn’t work. Sometimes she tries and actually falls asleep on her own. Sometimes—like tonight—she tries, it works, then she wakes back up within a few minutes and gets milk. Either way, I try to stay consistent and make her try to go to sleep on her own before I give her milk, even if it’s just for 30 seconds.

While this feels like the natural progression, it also feels awful. I don’t like making her cry at all. Heck, I don’t like her crying at all. And when she’s screaming at me “Mama mil mil mil Mama mil!!!” it makes me want to cry too. I could solve her crying right then and there, but I don’t. I am choosing to let her continue crying when I have the answer to her problem—literally—right in front of me.

At the same time, I feel that she’s old enough that I can set some limits. In the day time, she’s mostly okay with it. If I’m in the middle of something and I tell her to wait, she may have a bit of a tantrum, but after she’s done she’s on her merry way. It’s only when she’s trying to go to sleep that she screams and cries like this.

So followers, what do/did you do as your nursling grew to set limits? Did you set limits?

Should We Boycott Motherhood Maternity?

As many of you know, I wasn’t married when I first got pregnant. We actually got married when I was about 4 months along, which was fine by me because we were planning on it anyway and had been dating for 3 years.

Anywho, that’s not the point of this post.

So before I got married, I didn’t really need maternity clothes and I didn’t buy any baby-related things. I only went to a maternity store once because I needed a swimsuit for my honeymoon and I refused to wear my bikinis of my pre-pregnancy years with my newly growing belly.

The store I went to was Motherhood Maternity.

When you’re checking out at this store, they ask for your info. A friend of mine told me that I should give it to them because they send you free baby magazines and what not, so I did. I did indeed get free baby magazines. I also got a ton of pregnancy and baby-related ads in the mail. And I got a big box of formula.

When I was pregnant and I received this box of formula, I was simply annoyed. This was before my Lactating Girl days and I was thoroughly planning on breastfeeding without supplementation, but I didn’t know much about Booby Traps. I went to immediately throw it away, but my mom said that she should give it to my sister-in-law who formula feeds. My mom rarely sees my sister-in-law (because it turns out that whole family is awful, but that’s an entirely different subject) so it sat in my mom’s pantry up until just recently when she threw it out because it was past its expiration date. She actually thinks it might have been part of the formula recalled for bug parts too.

In my annoyance, I called the company (I’m guessing it’s Similac since that’s the recalled bug parts company assuming my mom was right) and got taken off of their list. At the time I hadn’t connected Motherhood Maternity into it.

Then just recently, I started getting more baby stuff in the mail. I got a couple of magazines which I don’t hate getting even though I don’t really have much time for magazines. It was then that I made the connection that Motherhood Maternity must be giving away my information. How is it them and not any other company I bought maternity clothes, baby things, or anything else from? Everything was being sent to my mother’s house and to me with my maiden name.

So they’re giving me free baby magazines. Oh well? Since Peanut is closing on two, they probably figure I’m going to get pregnant again soon. I wonder if they have everyone on a two year clock in their system? Either way, I didn’t particularly mind.

Until I got another big box of formula.

This time, I was livid. How are you sending me, Lactating fricking Girl a big box of formula?!? After I specifically called and was taking off your list (assuming it was the same formula company as before which I think it was by the size/color of the box, but I’m not sure). Raaaaaaaaar!!!!!!

So I called Motherhood Maternity. They said that they do give information to “select partners”. Why exactly are they choosing to partner with a formula company? Why is this formula company trying to get as much actual formula in my house as possible? I mean, it’s one thing to send me coupons and let me choose whether or not I want it in my house, but to send me actual cans of formula is wrong. They’re hoping that I’ll be crying in the middle of the night as a new mother and decide to give my baby some of their formula. Then they’ll have me hooked! Then I can spend thousands of dollars on their formula over the next year. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!

I am this close to boycotting Motherhood Maternity entirely for partnering with such a company. I realize all formula companies send out boxes of actual formula samples, but I think it should take signing up with the actual formula company for it. If you truly want the formula, sure, send samples. Don’t send samples to every unsuspecting woman who shops at the biggest maternity store in my area!

So internets, I ask you for your opinion on what I should do about this mess. Is this boycott worthy? Possibly just worth some strongly worded letters to Motherhood Maternity and/or formula companies? Whatever conclusion we all come to, will you join me in this fight?

Nursing Manners

Peanut has suddenly had a dramatic change in her nursing manners. She’s always been “bad” when she’s going to sleep. For whatever reason, no matter what I do, I can not get her past twiddling one side while nursing on the other while going to sleep. I tell her no. I threaten “no more milk”. I actually stop giving her milk. None of it has worked and it’s incredibly frustrating, but I deal with it. I just keep telling her no and such until she gets sleepy enough that she doesn’t do it anymore or that I can hold her hand away.

The problem is now in the daytime. I feel like we’ve gotten to the point in our nursing relationship where I don’t have to give her milk every single time she asks for it. I’m not trying to wean or anything, but sometimes it’s just down right inconvenient. For instance, while I’m trying to have a conversation with someone and I know that she’ll just pull off if I let her nurse because she wants to talk too. Or when I’m in the middle of doing something on the computer. Or even just when I needed to delay it tonight until we got everything situated for bed.

Seems reasonable, no? Well, Peanut would say “no”. Actually, she’d probably say “NO!!!!!”

If I tell her no, she has a fit. Most of the time, it’s just a bit of whining which is fine. She does that whenever she doesn’t get her way. Then, if I continue to say no, she’ll start pulling at my shirt. She’ll pinch my breasts like I do to try to decide which side I nursed on last. She’ll even lick either any bare skin she can find (generally my arm or neck) or even my shirt. Not that I think this is her intent, but I find all of these behaviors very disrespectful and outright embarrassing.

What I’ve been doing is setting her on the floor and telling her that she can’t get back up because she’s being mean to Mama. I often explain to her that those behaviors don’t get her milk, asking nicely for milk gets her milk (also often with the stipulation that when Mama says no, you do not get milk). I even sometimes resort to leaving the room because she is so persistent.

Alas, the behavior is not improving. Actually, if anything I would say that it is worsening (she hadn’t done the licking of my shirt thing until today). This isn’t a deal breaker, but I greatly feel the need to make it stop. I know that patience is a big thing to ask of a 21 month old, but she needs to at least learn that when Mama says no, she means NO. Period.

Any suggestions? Has anyone else dealt with these kinds of behavior before? Possibly it’s just a stage?

Hello Again

Gasp! I am alive!

I know, I’ve been neglecting the blog for a while here. Heck, I’ve been neglecting the outside world for a bit. This last semester at school has been the most stressful period of my life… well… ever. Yes, there are other times where there were large events, but this has by far been the busiest I’ve ever been. I felt like I was constantly failing at at least one facet of my life and that’s just not right. We (which has mostly been me, but my husband has offered opinions also with “but it’s your decision” tacked on the end) have decided that I’m going to start doing school part-time again.

It’s just simply not worth my sanity to finish school faster. This means that our whole plan of waiting until I graduate to give Peanut a little brother or sister is now off the table. Having her be 4.5+ years old before we had another child was really pushing it for us anyway, so I’m definitely not going to wait even longer. As for when we’re going to have the next one, we’ve decided on a tentative time period, but you all will just have to wait and see. :-P

We also put down our dog Kerrigan. We went in and talked to the vet and she said that with her cleft palate (which is a genetic disorder) that she likely had more genetic disorders and likely one in her brain that caused her to be aggressive. She said that we had done everything that we could have and she recommended euthanasia. It was an awful decision, but it was the right one. I knew it was the right decision before we did it, but the fact was cemented in my mind when even after she was gone, I still felt like she might suddenly bite me. I felt guilty at how much relief I felt leaving that vet office.

We had decided before we put her down that we wouldn’t get another dog for a long time. Within a few days though, I was out of my mind missing having a dog in my house. I’m a big animal lover and it took years for me to get my husband to agree to get a dog even though he loves them too. Yes, there were many, many bad things about our dog, but there’s just something about having someone curled up at your feet while you read a book and I couldn’t stand not having. After (lots of) arguing, we finally decided to get another. I researched breeds that are best with kids and found a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that was for sale. She was only 11 weeks old and the girl selling her had bought her from a breeder, but then afterwards decided that she couldn’t keep her. I did all of the tests that I didn’t know to do when we got Kerri and she passed them all with flying colors.

Meet Curie

You’d think that getting a puppy would add to my stress, but it’s actually been great. Even with all of the potty training, extra responsibility, and training, she’s been a doll. Yeah, she sometimes gets too rambunctious, but it’s great having her around. Other than classes, she’s gone with us everywhere. We even sneaked her into see Tangled! It’s so amazing to have a dog who loves everyone. I carried her around the Festival of Trees and probably about 100 people pet her (people love that dog!) and she was ecstatic each and every time. Peanut loves her too and she’s great with Peanut.

Peanut is now sleeping through the night and in her own bed. I didn’t really do anything to make it that way. We bought Peanut the mattress and started putting her in it for naps and before we go to bed. When I would go to bed and she would still be sleeping, I would just let her continue to sleep in there. By this point, she’s going to bed at 8:30, and most nights not waking up until 5:30 am to nurse. I generally go in her room and fall asleep on her bed with her while she’s nursing. Then we wake up at 6:30 (which I swear will kill me one of these days). Peanut is also a talking machine. I know I missed the last newsletter, but I’ll make up for it with the next one. It’s amazing how quickly things change.