Being pregnant with a toddler is hard. Some days it’s so hard I want to go back in time so I can slap myself during Peanut’s pregnancy for complaining so much. Some days it’s so hard I want to lock myself in my room. Some days it’s so hard I wonder why I even thought I should have another baby.
I’ve been trying to remember that it’s hard for Peanut too. Even though she maybe doesn’t understand all of it, she still feels her life changing. On top of this she’s at the age where they test their boundaries and she’s in a new preschool (though only has 5 weeks left). On top of even those things her mama isn’t dealing and that makes her not deal.
I understand that she plays off my emotions. I’ve been particularly stressed lately trying to handle her and pregnancy and schoolwork. Even when I feel I have a system down, I still feel stressed more often than not. I know that stress makes her stressed. I know that I lack the patience I once had. I know that I’m not present like I should be a lot of the time that I’m with her. I’m working on being more patient and present, but it’s a daily battle.
I write all this not to discourage anyone from getting pregnant who has a toddler or to say I regret getting pregnant, but just to say that it is hard a lot of days. Even if I wasn’t in school, I’m sure it would still be hard. When the baby comes, I know that it’ll get even harder because they’re so much easier to take care of when they’re inside. I know that moms with even more kids have it even harder. Pregnancy is wonderful, beautiful, and I cherish it, but also pregnancy is just plain hard. Some days I don’t even want to think about the fact that I’m pregnant, and that’s okay.
I can love my pregnancy and the life I’m growing inside of me in general without loving every second of it.
I am now 29 weeks and 0 days along. Woo third trimester (which actually started last week, but I haven’t updated in a while)! There are a lot of exciting things going on like crazy kicks (somehow I was feeling kicks on both sides of my stomach in the exact same place simultaneously today) and Peanut being excited about being a big sister (she tells me the baby will be small and cute and soft). There are also not-so-awesome third trimester things going on like constant heartburn and not being able to eat more than 2 bites without feeling like I’m going to implode.
Peanut is nursing a ton more and it’s kind of driving me nuts. I don’t want to wean, but I really wish that kiddo would calm down. Even when I tell her no (which I do frequently), she still goes nuts asking and asking. She won’t even go to sleep to daddy reading her books anymore, only nursing. When I nurse in the daytime it gives me much more heebeegeebees and is much more irritating (not painful per se, but makes me cringe a bit). I’m sure that a big part of this is directly related to the first section of this post (re the irritability and lack of patience and what not), but Gah! I happily welcome any advice on nursing your toddler during pregnancy.