Monthly Archives: December 2011

Patience is a Virtue

37 Weeks 3 days. I think I may wear only dresses for the rest of this pregnancy. So comfy.

Sometimes it’s really hard to practice what you preach. Being patient while waiting for Twig to be born is definitely one of those cases.

I have absolutely no plans of getting induced in the hospital. I think that induction without A. Cause, and B. Trying every non-medical way of induction first, is foolish. I also don’t plan on trying to induce myself naturally as of this moment, though that certainly is tempting. My patience (or lack thereof) is purely mental. I won’t do anything to physically alter my state of pregnancy, but I’ll certainly drive myself nuts thinking about when this baby is going to come!

So yesterday at my midwife appointment, she was feeling the baby’s position. At the appointment before, there was a moment where she thought that Twig might be breech, but then decided that the head was just really far down. At this appointment she still thought the head was really far down there, but wanted to check vaginally just to be sure. I almost told her not to tell me anything about dilation, but decided not to say anything.

She said the baby is really low and in a great position, my cervix is nice and squishy, effaced to 70% (or maybe 85%, which is a number she said later, but by that point my head was spinning so I didn’t fully understand what she was talking about), and she could “stretch” my dilation to a 2. I know none of these numbers matter, but it’s hard to not get myself excited. I’m just as likely to deliver three weeks from now as tomorrow, regardless of my cervix’s current state. She did say to my husband that she’s guessing I won’t go beyond my due date though, so that’s nice.

I am now 37 weeks and 3 days along. Woohoo I’m Full-term! Simultaneously, Oh My God I’m Full-term! I feel like I still have so much to do! I have a list that’s much longer than I thought it would be for a second child and I need to go grocery shopping. Luckily, I think I’ve finished the really important things (which there weren’t that many of). Things would go a-okay if I went into labor right now, but there are a few things I’d like to get done before the baby comes just because of the blur of postpartum approaching. Speaking of, don’t forget that you can guest post on this blog while I’m busy with the new babe! I’m still accepting submissions!

I’ve been incredibly swollen this past few days. At my midwife appointment I had gained 8 lbs in 5 days (after only 18 up until that point in the whole pregnancy), which she said is likely due to my water retention and holiday snacking. She told me to eat more protein (and specifically lean meats rather than lots of milk like I normally do because the lactic acid makes your muscles work harder) and drink as many fluids as I can get in myself. Beyond that, some swelling is normal and I don’t have any other symptoms to be worried about.

I’ve also been having braxton hicks even more and they’re even stronger. Multiple times last night, I was actually woken up by them. That’s fun. And I appear to have lost my mucus plug. Multiple times at that. It will just keep regenerating itself and being lost again, so I guess I get to keep losing it over and over until the baby comes out. That’s nice and weird. I don’t remember that from last time. Actually, I don’t remember most of these things from last time. Oh well, every pregnancy is different, right?

Two to Three

This started as a post about my relationship with Peanut and my fears on how it will change after Twig is born. How nearly every day she tells me “Mama, you’re my best friend.” and how I sincerely feel the same about her. How I’m concerned that I won’t be able to give her the love and attention that she needs once I have a newborn to care for on top of that.

Don’t get me wrong, that is still a huge part of it, but I realized it also in large part how we’ll change as a family once we go from three to four.

I’ve been re-reading The Baby Book to prepare myself for what it’s going to be like to have a newborn again and I’ve gotten to the section on after the baby is actually born. Even with all the preparing I’ve been doing for the early days when I’m constantly nursing and Peanut is bored and our house is a mess, I didn’t really comprehend how different it will really be until last night. How our lives will never be the same as parents of two children as opposed to one child.

How will I find time for intimacy with my husband? Yes, of course there’s sex, but more than just that. I think it took a full year after Peanut was born until we just sat down and cuddled again. At least that’s how I remember it in my mind. Even when we did find time for us as a couple, we were constantly interrupted by a baby then toddler. How will we even begin to find time to just sit down together and watch a movie when we have a toddler and a baby both pining for our attentions?

How will I give Peanut the time and focus she deserves? I already feel like a failure as a parent that she’s getting so much TV right now with me being hugely pregnant and just not wanting to move or leave the house. I found myself incredibly irritated at my in-laws the other day for letting her watch TV at their house until I stepped back and realized I wouldn’t have cared before because she wasn’t getting so much at home. I don’t think she’s gone a single day in the last two weeks without at least two episodes of Dinosaur Train. I know that my attention and energy will just be further drained when Twig arrives, so how do I possibly expect things to change? When I don’t even feel like sitting on the floor and playing with her now, how will I accomplish it when I have a newborn to hold at the same time?

I know that everyone is going to say that things just work. We’ll find a rhythm again and a family of four will be our new norm. I know the early days will be hard, but we’ll eventually get things figured out. I know that my concerns about giving my daughter enough and my husband enough will work themselves out as my heart opens further to welcome our new addition. I know all of this, yet I still sit her and worry and cry and feel awful for bringing this on my family. I was the one who really wanted another baby, so why am I the one crying about it?

Because I’m a huge ball (pun intended) of pregnancy emotions and acne and irritation and mood swings and aches. Because I haven’t had a normal night sleep in weeks and I know I won’t be getting one any time soon. Because I’m allowing myself to get stressed out about Christmas and Twig’s arrival and school and anything else that I can possibly be stressed about. Because I’m pregnant. Blah!

Breastfeeding at the End of Pregnancy

Nursing on the way home from seeing the lights in the city.

Breastfeeding sucks again.

I kind of figured that since things were going so well at the beginning of this trimester that they’d continue to go well for the rest of the pregnancy. You know what they say about when you assume? It makes an ass out of you and me.

All of a sudden, my nipples are incredibly sensitive. Like the I think I’m going to switch from wearing normal bras to nursing bras before the baby even comes kind of sensitive. Of course, it also appears that I have a new talent of smashing them on things and between things and toddler accidentally pinching them between the mattress and her arm when she’s sitting up and ouch, ouch, ouch! I’m guessing my hormones are changing in light of the pending arrival. Regardless, it’s no fun.

Then I’m also feeling a lot more irritable when Peanut nurses. Generally I’m okay if I distract myself with a book (currently reading the first few chapters of The Baby Book over again, which is definitely something I’d recommend doing before baby arrives), but sometimes I can’t distract myself with a book because Peanut thinks that I need to be asleep for her to go to sleep at nap-time, even if I’m just pretending. Not a huge deal (except when that doesn’t even work, but that’s a whole different story), but it makes distracting myself from the irritation more difficult.

Then little miss suddenly is trying to get handsy again. I thought we were finally past this point, but guess that’s the great thing about kids. Anyway, I’ve always really had an issue with her touching one breast while nursing from the other. I know that other moms can handle it, but I’m just not that mom. I don’t know if it’s just me or my history of sexual abuse, but either way it just doesn’t work for me. She seemed like she was understanding how bothersome it was for mama when she touched the other side, but now all of a sudden she’s doing it again. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but in my already heightened state of irritation, even little touches are beyond heebeegeebees.

Even having said all that, we’re still not stopping. None of this is bad enough that I even feel the need to contemplate stopping. It’s all just more irritating than anything. This all just adds to my willingness to be done with this pregnancy and have two cute little kids, rather than one cute little kid, a fetus, and a weirded-out body.

How did breastfeeding go for you nearing the end of your pregnancy? Any advice on nursing a newborn and a toddler at the same time? I’m kind of freaking out about that.

Nearing Full-term and Stress

This is what I look like at 6:30am when I can't sleep--dirty mirror, burnt out lightbulb, and all. 36 weeks 2 days

I am a big ball of stress.

Christmas is coming and I’m not going to have half of the gifts I’m knitting finished in time. Twig is coming and I feel like my list is incredibly long considering that I thought I had nothing to do a few months ago. Money is tight and I still have things I need to get for Christmas and Twig, not to mention regular household expenses and a few bigger ticket items I need to buy like cat food and laundry detergent. My house is a mess. I am still not over this dang cold even though the husband and Peanut have been better for a week. I just feel stressed out.

Really though, it’s not that much in the end. I keep trying to remind myself of that. People don’t care if their Christmas gifts are a little late. A lot of the stuff I need to do or get for Twig isn’t really necessary before he/she is born. Money will work itself out, even if it’s more tight that I was planning on it being this month. The house will eventually get clean, even if we have to eat out of tupperware for a while. I’m giving up and going to the doctor, so that should take care of the cold. We will survive. Life is not that bad. These are all middle class problems. Things could be much worse.

In spite of that last paragraph, I am still a big ball of stress!

How did you get rid of stress in the last days of pregnancy? Someone please tell me that it doesn’t matter if we don’t order a new Nose Frida before Twig arrives!

I am now 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. The cold symptoms have let up enough that I am readily able to notice the awful heartburn again, but not enough that I am able to get the little amount of sleep that my pregnant body and toddler trying to kick me off the bed allows me to get. I literally woke up over a dozen times last night. Ugh.

Speaking of heartburn, I was all excited when the books and other such calendars started telling me that the baby could “drop” soon. Relief from the heartburn and shortness of breath! Yay! Oh wait, since you’re a second-time mom, the baby likely won’t drop until you’re in labor. WTF? That is so not fair.

Speaking of not fair, what’s up with these Braxton Hicks contractions? It’s said that they’re not supposed to be painful, but I beg to differ. It used to be just when something was touching my belly, but now I frequently find myself stopping to breathe. Certainly not as painful as labor contractions, but also certainly not painless. My midwife told me at my last appointment that I’m “nice and tight” in my belly, so maybe that makes them worse? Either way, all this pre-labor better mean that I don’t have to work as hard in real labor. If only it worked that way, huh?

I’ve also developed this lovely new symptom of incredible rib pain that won’t go away. It kept me up half the night tossing and turning two nights ago. My midwife showed us this super cool thing to help move the baby around and that usually makes it subside. I can’t remember the name of it, but you fold a sheet in half “hot-dog style” and the pregnant woman lays on it in the middle, then the partner grabs one end of the sheet in each hand and pulls them straight up. The partner then pulls each side alternately for a minute or so. It makes me feel like I’m on the agitate cycle of my washing machine. Try it out!

Call For Guest Posts!

I decided to insert a cute picture of Peanut when she was a newborn because I'll have another one of these soon. Ah!

I am nine months pregnant. The final stretch. Wow.

This fact has been playing in the back of my mind for some time now, but as a general rule I just push it aside. I have been thinking for weeks that I still had finals and Christmas before the baby comes. Now the semester is over and Christmas is less than two weeks away. Technically I could have the baby on Christmas eve and still be “full-term”. Though I am obviously not counting on it, I’m still amazed that I am so impossibly close.

So with what sometimes feels like the impending doom of my becoming a mother of two, I decided I need to really get planning. I need to get my home ready for the birth, I need to get myself ready for the birth (though obviously I’ve already been working on that one), and I need to get my blog ready for the birth. Hence the call for submissions!

Would YOU like to be featured on this blog? Well it’s fairly simple! Just send me an idea or a post and viola! Alright, maybe not quite that simple.

Hobomama, a blogger that I quite enjoy reading wrote a post about the guidelines for a guest blogger when her newest addition was on the way that I’m just going to reference here. She is very well-spoken (or -written, I suppose in this case) and thought this out very thoroughly. Her guidelines are much more than I would have even begun to think of (like reposts are okay, but they have to be 90 days old). I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your knowledge and planning.

In regards to content: anything that goes along with the theme of this blog (breastfeeding, natural parenting, etc.) is A-okay, but there are certainly some topics I am particularly interested in because of the purpose of this hiatus.

  • Birth stories, particularly home birth
  • Life with two children
  • Caring for a toddler and a newborn simultaneously (eek!)
  • Co-sleeping with two
  • Tandem nursing
  • Minimalism and babies
  • Budgeting and babies
  • Surviving the postpartum days

Of course, things that aren’t traditionally featured on this blog are welcome also. I am always interested in new insights.

I’m not going to put an official deadline on any of this since I didn’t give the greatest amount of time to create said guest posts, but I ask you to keep in mind that Twig is due mid-January, therefore the earlier the better. Please send submissions or questions to theadventuresoflactatinggirl {at} gmail {dot} com.

Pain Medication For Sutures

Sicky at 35 Weeks 2 Days

Continuing with the theme of discussing items mentioned in my birth plans, I’ve gotten quite a reaction from one line.

Of course, I would like all precautions taken to avoid tearing. If tearing does happen, I do not want local pain medication to repair.

Or alternately stated in my hospital birth plan:

If stitching is required, do so without the use of pain medication.

Everyone wants to know why in the world I would want someone coming at my girlie bits with a needle without numbing me up first. I don’t blame you. Before Peanut’s birth (and the subsequent transfer to the hospital) I would have thought it equally insane.

When Peanut was born, I tore both up and down. My hospital midwife said that it could have happened just the same if I were in her care, but having spent quite a time analyzing Peanut’s birth (don’t we all?), I would bet that I at least wouldn’t have torn so severely. All the books tell you to stop pushing when you feel the ring of fire. Ease up for a moment, let your body stretch. Every woman tells you that is the most difficult thing to do at that particular moment. In my case, I would say that my inability to stop pushing during the ring of fire was even more intense because I was in panic mode.

People always compliment us on how we handled our accidental home birth. Really, we did amazingly well for our situation. Regardless of that fact, we still were in (what I call) panic mode. This is what happens in an emergency when you lose all track of time and just act. Your only priority is to fix the situation. I think that this reaction is why it took me time to “get over” Peanut’s birth not going as planned, even though it had all the basic requirements (healthy baby, intervention-free, vaginal, etc.). Her birth was not peaceful for me–it was panic.

When I realized that she was coming right now, I didn’t have time for shock and awe. I didn’t stop to analyze. My knee-jerk reaction was to Get. Her. Out. I wanted the situation that had caused the panic to be resolved. I wanted to make sure she was okay. So when I felt that ring of fire, I pushed. Not only did I push, but I pushed harder. I used all my reserves and I got her out. It’s always been amazing to me watching birth videos where you see the baby’s head gradually coming out, then there’s a pause where the head is out and the body is in, then one final push to get the baby’s body out. For me (while I admit that I don’t have the clearest memory of this time), it was like one big push. I felt her head was probably an inch or two from crowning, tried to get into a squatting position (which didn’t work because my husband was getting ready to catch her and my mother-in-law couldn’t support me squatting like I needed) and when that didn’t work, got onto all fours and pushed. There could have been more than one actual push, but there weren’t minutes between. There wasn’t a pause. The baby was coming, so I got her out.

Of course, after transferring to the hospital, the OB that was on call stitched my tears. While I was no longer in panic mode, I most certainly was in shock. I remember giving no forewarning what was happening, I remember it being incredibly painful over and over, and I remember trying to tell her to stop (which she did not listen to). In my memory, I was jabbed probably as many times as the amount of stitches I actually received. Then there was the incredible burning of the numbing drugs. In my mind, it was the worst part of my birth.

Of course, I realize that all of this is likely over-exaggerated in my mind. I realize that it probably wasn’t so many jabs and she was probably much nicer than I remember (though they told me she had just done 3 births pretty much simultaneously and wasn’t not in a good mood, so she probably wasn’t super nice either). It probably would have hurt worse to have her stitch me up and down without pain medication. Regardless, I do not want to experience that again.

So that’s what prompted me to put in my birth plans that I do not want pain medication. After discussing it with my midwife, we will evaluate it at the time. She said I am no more likely to tear having done so in the past (she said she had 3 episiotomies and then went on to have 5 tear/cut free births). She also said that if the tear is minor, she likely won’t stitch at all. Even if I do need stitches, there are other options besides the injectable numbing medication. She understands my previous experience and is willing to work with me. One of the many reasons I love having a home birth midwife.

I am now 35 weeks and 2 days along. We’re still getting over our nasty cold over here, so honestly pregnancy-related complaints have been the least of my worries over the last couple of weeks. It sure does suck being sick while pregnant. It’s also difficult to ascertain whether a symptom is “just pregnancy” or something related to the cold. Things like my shortness of breath and inability to eat much are likely related to both. I’ve also “surrendered” and taken Guaifenesin a couple of times today. What was just nasal and throat has now moved into my chest and I was getting concerned about pneumonia (which I was lucky enough to get at the beginning of this year, likely due to my asthma). The medication made breathing much easier, which I would like to see as a sign that it’s not pneumonia, but only time will tell.

Flu Vaccine Decisions

Hello blogging world! In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been absent for the past couple of weeks. The beginning of that can be attributed to finals, then immediately after escaping school, we were struck down with a lovely illness. It appears to be a cold, but it got me to thinking about the flu vaccine.

Last year, after actually getting the flu, I wrote this post on how I was debating my decision to not get the vaccine. Someone who had read that post asked me a couple of months ago what my final decision was on the flu vaccine. Were we going to get it this year? My decision: no flu vaccine.

The flu sucked. Absolutely. I hated how I felt, how Peanut felt, and I especially hated the fear I had as a mother for my child. It was annoying not being able to leave the house and having to reschedule things. I didn’t like having to make the decision of whether or not to give my child a drug that could potentially help her immensely and could potentially give her awful side effects.

Regardless, I still do not think that the vaccine is worth it. The mercury in the shots (yes, even in the children shots if it’s multi-dose). The over-exaggerated statistics. All the guess work involved in deciding which strain will be most prominent. The false security that the shot actually protects you from the flu. These and more are still my reasons for not getting the flu shot this year.

What got me thinking about my decision not to get the flu shot was this article on Mothering.com today. It’s specifically talking about the recommendation that pregnant women get the flu shot and how that recommendation is unfounded and dangerous. It goes over many of my personal reasons for avoiding the flu shot and I thought that you all might find it interesting.