Category Archives: Regarding Twig

The Stigma of the Diaper Rash

One of the creams we’re currently using (who is not sponsoring or in any way endorsing this post).

When Peanut was younger, I had a constant fear that I was doing something wrong. Something that would label me a horrible mother and/or scar her for life. I think that we all have this fear to some degree.

So when she started getting constant diaper rashes with open sores shortly after her first birthday, I was convinced it was something I was doing. I tried everything I could find to get them to go away. I tried switching washing routines, every cream I could find, only cleaning her in the tub (as opposed to with wipes), lots of diaper-free time, multiple doctors visits with different creams prescribed, etc. None of it worked. I would be doing all of these things consistently and the sores would disappear, only to have new ones pop up a week later.

Later when I found out about the peanut allergy and how it could cause the rashes, I figured we finally found the problem. But when we eliminated all nuts from our diet, the rashes still stuck around. It took potty training to get these rashes to go away and since she still wears a diaper at night, she still to this day gets a little soreness (though luckily no open sores).

I resolved myself to the fact that she just has sensitive skin. Not too surprising considering her dad is a redhead with eczema and I don’t have particularly tough skin myself. And when Twig was born, I figured she was just like big sister.

We continued with all our routines. Lots of diaper free time, washing off most poos in the tub once she could sit up (it’s just more pleasant than fighting them to get their bum wiped, in my opinion), frequent changes, the whole deal. But she, too, has had constant rashes. Hers started earlier than Peanut’s did and seem to have no connection to the food she eats. I haven’t rushed her to the doctor in the same way I did Peanut because I like to limit our doctors visits to the truly necessary and when I used to take Peanut in because a rash looked really bad, they’d tell me it was nothing and to keep doing what I’m doing, here’s a new brand of cream you can try to no avail.

But when some blisters popped up on Twig a week ago, I decided enough was enough. I am tired of constantly battling diaper rash and there must be something I can do to prevent this. Turned out this was no normal rash. She had bacterial rash (including a pustule that had to be drained in the office) and some yeast rash on bottom. So now we’re doing three separate creams and it’s getting a ton better, but I just can’t shake the feeling that I’ve done something wrong.

I know I haven’t. The doctor told me it just happens sometimes given the environment of a diaper. All of my many hours of research on the topic of diaper rashes tells me I’m doing all the right things. My brain tells me to be logical and know that this is all correct and I am not a horrible mother, but the feeling is stuck. It’s made me realize something though: there’s a stigma associated with diaper rashes.

If your baby has diaper rashes, you’re obviously letting them sit in a poopy diaper all day. Or maybe you never change pee diapers. Or maybe you’re using the wrong brand of disposables or the wrong detergent for cloth. You’re obviously doing something wrong though.

But no, that’s not always the case. Sometimes you can do all the right things and life still gets in the way, diaper rashes or otherwise. Parents assume they have so much control over how their kids turn out that when something does go wrong, we blame ourselves to the point of self-hatred. But we can’t control everything. You can do all the things the books say and still end up with Jeffrey Dahmer for a son or, in a little less hyperbolic example, a horrific diaper rash.

We need to stop blaming moms for things that aren’t in their power. We only see a snapshot of their lives, even with moms we’re close to. So don’t assume that the one feeding her kid a bottle willingly ignored the breastfeeding advice or the one snapping at her kid in the mall is that mean all the time. And don’t assume that the one with a kid with diaper rash is negligent. And if you’re one of the ones like me who has a kid with all sorts of rash, try to give yourself a break. You’re a great mom, diaper rash just sucks.

Nursing My Second Baby at One Year

IMG_0113There are many breastfeeding milestones, but the one year mark holds a special place in my heart. I know that formula is an acceptable alternative to breastfeeding (the fourth best according to WHO, with pumped milk from mom or from other moms coming in before it), but one year of nursing without supplementation means that my baby will never get it.

Thinking back to what nursing Peanut was like at one year and comparing to what Twig is like now, there’s much the same. It’s still the best cure for bumps and bruises (and oh boy does Twig get those). It’s still the way I’m able to get sleep at night. It’s still an awesome way to reconnect with my busy toddler throughout the day.

The biggest difference, I think, is my feelings about the whole situation. By a year with Peanut, I was still definitely going strong, but feeling much more touched out. You’d think that, considering I’ve nursed for four years straight, I’d be more touched out. Instead, I feel that every day as a mother has given me more patience. It’s been a big learning curve for me, but somewhere in the last three years since Peanut was a young toddler, I’ve learned to let go. I’m still learning now, but I’m leaps and bounds ahead of where I was when my whole parenting gig started.

So now that I’m less hitched to the idea of some ideal baby or toddler, the more I’m able to sit back and enjoy life as it is. This includes nursing. Yes, I often feel like I’m nursing Twig more now that I did when she was a newborn, but on those days (and nights!) where we’re nursing like crazy, it’s more easy for me to just go with the flow. It’s more easy for me to remember this stage in life is so fleeting. Before I know it she’ll be nursing just a few times a day, preferring daddy for bedtime over nursing, or like her big sister, weaned all together.

This time is short. Just the beginning of Twig’s life. I’m happy to have made it a full year (and now, nearly fifteen months) nursing Twig, but I’m also excited for what’s to come.

One Year Old Twig

As of the minute that this post is published, Twig is one year old. I wrote this letter to her to celebrate. 

Twig,

IMG_0240It’s hard to believe that you’re already one year old. Time flies so quickly. At the same time, it feels like you’ve been here forever. You started off as all babies do, though maybe not as small as most babies do, and you’ve turned into a little person. You have a full blown personality. Let’s start at the beginning.

Right from the get go, you made it clear that you’re a much different person from big sister. You slept more regularly and soundly, you didn’t mind falling asleep on other people, you took regular naps, and did I mention that you actually slept?! It was a far cry from your Peanut, who fought sleep at every turn. You also nursed and pooped. That’s pretty much all newborns do.

IMG_0527You were always happy when in a carrier with mama. Everyone that saw you, whether it be friends and family or strangers, would comment on how happy you were. They still do. You’re happy to smile at anyone who smiles at you, especially if you’re on mama’s back. Once you started to smile, you just couldn’t stop. It wasn’t really the case with laughing and for what seemed like forever, the only person who could make you laugh was your sister. I called you a stingy laugher. Now you laugh much more readily, but still not as much as big sister.

What those seeing you in the wrap didn’t know was that you could also be a very mad little baby. Mostly just in the car, but oh man, you had some lungs! Once you got to the point where you could be entertained by your sister next to you, your crying decreased dramatically. I’m very thankful for that.

IMG_0467When you were just shy of four months, you started to sit up on your own. This didn’t change the amount of spitting up that you did (which was a lot) like I hoped it would, but you were thrilled to be able to see more of the world around you. Of course, you spent most of your days watching big sister. From day one, she’s been the coolest person in the world to you. You love to follow her around and do everything that she does. This sometimes gets you into trouble, but you mostly don’t mind. Even when sister is being overly rough with you, it takes quite a bit for you to call mercy.

Also from day one, you’ve loved music. You started going to our Music Together class when you were just one week old. Even thought it fell in a sleepy time for you, you almost always stayed awake and happy during the class. It always calmed you at home too. When you’d get upset during a diaper change, mama would just start singing one of the songs from class and you’d calm down and we’d finish up changing you. During the evenings when babies get upset, singing while rocking and nursing you almost always did the trick. Now we have dance parties with all sorts of music. You particularly like Gangnam Style and bounce up and down mimicking what they do in the video (and what sister does right next to you, because she has some mad dancing skills!).

IMG_1244You loved putting the musical instruments in your mouth too (and still do!). Actually, you love putting anything in your mouth. I know this can be said about any baby, but for you it seemed especially so. From the second that you could get that hand to your mouth, you were putting anything you could find in your mouth. One may think that this would be a big problem when you put things you shouldn’t in your mouth, but we actually have a nifty little trick for that. I simply say “Can I have that?” and hold my hand out under your mouth. 99% of the time you use your tongue to push out whatever you had into my hand! It’s amazing what simply asking can accomplish. On the other hand, forgetting to ask, as Mema did the other day, results in a huge tantrum.

DSC_0039When you figured out that you could roll over and then do it again, there was no stopping you. This happened around when you were five months old and you didn’t crawl until closer to seven months. I blame the fact that you already had a perfectly acceptable mode of transportation! Then immediately after crawling you started standing and walking along furniture. After that it was a few more months until you finally started walking, around 10.5 months. I guess growth and development really do come in spurts. After immediately being proficient in walking (many people who hadn’t seen you in a while thought you had been walking for much longer), you started to climb on everything. Oh boy, you like to try to get yourself into trouble with your climbing. You’re always getting stuck somewhere or falling off, but you just go right at it again. No stopping you! IMG_1617

When you were six months old, you started to eat solid food. You were reaching for it far before that, but mama insisted that you wait until your gut was more mature. Just like with your sister, we skipped the rice cereal and baby food and went straight to table foods. The first time you ate food you were initially thrilled that what you put in your mouth tasted so good (it was watermelon), but then very disturbed that some came off in your mouth! You pushed it back out with your tongue and started to cry. Pretty soon though, you were trying everything and loving it. You’re often initially hesitant when trying a new food, like you were the other day when we first tried kiwi. It took you a few minutes to actually eat the first bite (after tasting it a few times), but after that first bite you were screaming for more faster than I could get chunks out with the spoon. And when I say screaming, I mean screaming.

IMG_6360 copyYou’re a very vocal baby. Of course this comes in the common form of babble, but it also very much comes in the form of screaming. It’s not a mad scream, just a scream. Usually it’s a “I want something” scream, though you often scream for the fun of it too. This especially applies to food, which makes it awkward to take you out to restaurants. It seems like I fill up your tray and it’s empty again in a minute flat. You sure do love your food, which makes sense with you being a big baby. It’s been difficult to keep you in clothes that fit. You’re already wearing some stuff that’s 24 months! Now that you’re older, the babble is starting to turn into words. You sign milk when you want to nurse and you can say boo (like pee-a-boo), cat/dog (pssss), bye, and I’m pretty sure that you say dada, though it’s not 100% confirmed yet.

IMG_0108Another thing you love besides food is water. I’m not talking in the drinking sort, though you think that drinking water is pretty fun too, but more in the bath sort. If I could set you in the tub and just let the faucet keep running all day, you’d be a happy camper. You love to see what happens when you stick a hand or cup in the jet of water. You also love taking baths with sister. When you were a baby, we used to all take a bath together, but now that you’re bigger (our bathtub is pathetically small) and can sit up on your own, it’s just the two of you. You girls play and play and play until all of a sudden someone gets upset and bath time is over. I’m fairly sure I gave birth to two fish.

IMG_1760You also quite enjoy putting things away. Putting lids on the jars that they go on, picking up blocks, and that sort of thing. If I sing to you “A-waaaay” like they do in music class, you’ll put whatever you have in your hand into whatever container I’m motioning towards. It’s really convenient, actually. All the other little kids your age have fits when it’s time to clean up, but you’re happy to be the one that puts the toy in the box. Lest the internets think that you’re the perfect baby, I will insert here that you also enjoy un-putting things away. I swear you spend half your day walking around the house purposely trashing it. You push the books off the table, move the boots to the other side of the room, dump out mama’s purse, and all for no reason that I can see from the outside. Once you’ve destroyed one area, you just move along to the next. It’s why I call you my little wrecking ball. Only in the most loving way, of course.

It’s been amazing to see you transform from a blob of newborn into a real little person, and I know that the best is yet to come. I’m excited to see how your personality keeps developing as you grow. Here’s to another wonderful year.

Love, Mama

Respecting Your Baby’s Personhood

DSC_0144Oh the things I wish I would have known when Peanut was a baby. By now, the list is long. Having seen how certain behaviors as a baby morph into others as a toddler, I’m able to encourage ones that make life easier for me and discourage ones that make life more difficult. This is in no means saying that Twig will be a perfect toddler, likely we’ll have entirely different issues, but it’s a start.

One of the things I wish I could have done different is respecting her personhood. As a society, we have a weirdly skewed view on babies. We label them with such adult motives, such as manipulation, but don’t recognize them as the tiny humans they are. Why is it not only okay, but considered to be normal, to take a toy from the child who took the toy while saying don’t take toys? Or to hit the child for hitting while trying to send the message not to hit? It’s beyond me.

When I was reading The Discipline Book by Dr Sears (a personal favorite at the moment), there was a little side box that really hit a note with me. It says:

Respecting Little Grabbers

Your toddler has a jar of olives, and you have visions there will soon be a mess to clean up. You hastily snatch the jar from her clutches. And within a millisecond you have set off a protest tantrum. You’ve saved yourself from a mess to clean up on the floor, but now you have an emotional mess to care for.

Grabbing a prized object from a child for whatever reason is not socially appropriate: It violates the personhood of the child. And it’s not good discipline–you’re teaching your child the very thing you tell her not to do. “Don’t grab,” you say, as you grab back what was grabbed. Snatching the jar away from her is bound to anger her, as well as reinforce the grabbing mentality.

There is a better way. For a young toddler, make eye contact and divert her attention to something else she’d like. For an older toddler, tell her you’ll have to open the jar so she can have an olive, and point to where you want her to put it. This is simply an exercise in politeness and respect, and “adult-in-charge” approach. Children need adults to communicate and model behavior adults expect.

When my child throws a tantrum about me taking something away, it’s really less about wanting to play with it and more about the fact I took it from her. I’ve disregarded her personhood. Giving her a choice, or at least a warning, removes this obstacle all together.

When we need to pick up, I ask my baby for the toy. I started this as soon as she was old enough to hold a toy. Now over six months down the road, she happily hands me whatever it is that she is holding if I sing “away” (we started that because our music class) to her and show her where to put it. In music our music class she’ll happily put her instrument in the box. At home she’ll hand me the glass jar she was about to whack on the tile floor. She’ll even spit a wrapper she’s chewing out of her mouth and hand it to me. No screaming fits where I’m digging in her mouth while she’s trying to run away and/or swallow whatever gross thing she’s found like we had with sister. She won’t be the child tantruming over putting her instrument away. She’s even moved on to helping me pick up a room. If I point to a block, she’ll walk over and pick it up, then walk to the box to put it in.

It’s even become a fun game for her. One of her favorite games (and a way to make quick friends with her) is to give an object back and forth with her.

It extends beyond putting objects away too. Since she was very small, I would give her a verbal warning when I was about to pick her up (or more often when I was about to put her down, since that was what upset her). It morphed into my asking her if I could pick her up. About 90% of the time, she gleefully lifts her arms and bounces when I ask. But I still ask, even if I know it’s what she wants. 5% of the time, she’d rather do whatever she was doing or go get picked up by someone else, which of course is fine. The last 5% of the time though, she’s doing something she shouldn’t be. Maybe she’s pulling on cords or smashing the cat, but whatever it is, I’ve likely told her “Not for Meredith” a couple of times (another nice tip from that book), which sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t, and we’ve landed on the latter. So when I know she’s going to protest being picked up, but I still have to pick her up, I give her warning. Something along the lines of “Alright, then I’m going to pick you up.” Yes, she still protests at times, but I’ve done my best to respect her in the process of taking away the fun of hiding behind daddy’s desk.

Sure, all of this may not matter five years from now. Maybe it won’t even make things easier in a year. For now though, it’s working. It’s helping give Twig the forewarning she needs to not get upset when things don’t go her way. It’s helping me communicate with my child instead of getting frustrated with her. And my hope is that it will matter. Maybe respecting her personhood in the way I would an adult’s will help her respect herself when she is an adult. Who knows though. Guess that’s the gamble of parenthood.

Nine Months

This is a continuation of the pictures I’m taking of Twig on her month-day. Past months: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven (eight skipped because a sad broken camera).

Yay! My camera is back! $175 later, the sensor is fixed. Thank goodness for budgeting because what is a difficult month with that extra expensive would have turned into horrific if I didn’t have the separate categories and know exactly how much I could manage to take from each this month. I got back my camera right in time for Twig’s month day! So we’re back with our monthly photos.

Waiting for Music Together to start.

 

 

Peanut writes her name on her tag by herself every time.

 

Plug covers are great!

 

 

This is her “I hear a noise, what is it?” face.

 

Look at those eyes! So hazel!

 

 

Ever since I put ties on her soakers, she thinks they are for her to eat and unties them immediately.

 

 

Big alligator tears!

 

This is Peanut taking over the camera.

 

She got some good shots, albiet blurry.

 

 

 

On nom nom kitty!

 

Why I Spend an Exorbitant Amount of Money on Music Classes

Twig playing with the mirror in the music room after class.

We pay over $18 per class and drive 40 miles each direction (or take the train) every week to Peanut and Twig’s Music Together class. Starting this fall, it’s even more because we are paying for Twig also, who was free until she turns 8 months old.

I’ve tried to find a different music class. We tried one out where the teacher literally played Sponge Bob Square Pants and told them to run around the room in a circle. We tried to set up a similar music class, meaning one where they actually learn music, closer to home, but couldn’t get enough people for it to be worth it. We tried doing other non-music classes, but all of them expected things that were not developmentally sound (e.g. a 2 year old must sit on this spot and not move for 20 minutes or they’re not allowed to participate), didn’t actually have a benefit in the future, gave them candy as a bribe, or a combination of the above and more.

Maybe we would have liked these other classes, had Music Together not spoiled us. What is Music Together, you ask? Simply put, it’s a music class that introduces them to real music. That’s only one of the many reasons we love our class though.

Non-coercive. Children are told not to run. That is the only rule. No sitting in one spot. No forced participation (except the parents, we most certainly must participate). They actually acknowledge that your child will go through phases where they just want to observe. It’s a normal part of development!

Real music. Most children’s music, heck, most adult music too, is written in C major. That is only one of many, many chords. To be frank, I find it quite boring! It’s probably the requirement to repeat it over and over and over whilst playing the cello that has given me a bias. It’s important for children to be exposed to all sorts of major and minor chords for musical literacy. There’s also real rhythm in these classes. Not only triplets, but even 5′s (I’m not quite sure what that’s called). That even threw me off! I don’t know that I have ever played a song in 5′s.

Long term benefits. Peanut already has wonderful tone. Dare I say better than myself or my husband? And she’ll make up tone and rhythm patterns for us to repeat back to her. This class leads directly into Musical Bridge, which teaches them musical theory before learning to play an instrument. It gives them a head start to learning music.

Short term benefits. When Twig was born, she immediately started to be soothed by the music from class. I can not tell you how many times I sung “One little drummer marching up, marching up, marching up…” whilst changing a diaper. There were many times that it was the only thing that could get her to stay still long enough for me to get the clean diaper onto her. Not to mention when she’s crying or just when having fun.

Making me sing. I don’t have a horrible voice by any means, but the idea of singing, especially around adults, makes me nervous. I remember when Peanut was young that one of the moms of an older child was telling me how much she uses song in her everyday life. My immediate thought was that I could never do that because I just don’t have the gall. Turns out I do. Not only do I sing happily through our class and all around our house, but I sing in public too! When the girls are being grumps in the grocery store? We start marching up the isle singing. When Twig is crying at the park, I sing a lullaby in her ear. When we just feel like having some fun, let’s sing! Singing is a glorious parenting tool and Music Together has helped build my confidence to use it.

Making my husband sing. Sure, he’s not quite as cavalier as I am when it comes to singing in public, but I honestly can’t tell you that I really heard him sing before he started attending Music Together with us. He has a deep baratone that I enjoy listening to, so this is quite a shame! I suppose I’d have to confirm this with him, but I believe that singing is a useful parenting tool for him too. At very least, it gives him another way to connect with his girls. Which brings me to…

Peanut taking her turn playing the autoharp after class.

Connection. We connect as a family through this class. We go every Saturday all together and sing and dance. The Peanut sings to Twig when we get home. Peanut sings tonal and rhythm patterns for us to repeat. We sing to Peanut. We sing in the car. We dance around the kitchen to music while waiting for dinner in the oven. This class helps us to really incorporate music into our lives and the lives of the girls, all whilst making a stronger connection as a family. After Twig was born, this connection was especially important for Peanut.

So, that’s why we continue with our music class. That’s why we have a special cash envelope devoted to Music Together that gets a good chunk of change every month. That’s why we continue to drive to Salt Lake to take this class every Saturday. It’s all worth it.

I feel the need to put a little disclaimer down here. Music Together did not pay me to write this. Imagination Place did not pay me to write this. This is all of my own accord because I feel more people need to know of the benefit of music, and specifically this program, to their child. 

Four Months

This is a continuation of the pictures I’m taking of Twig on her month-day. Past months: One, Two, Three.

For how often this child does a superman on the floor, I’m surprised she doesn’t have a six pack.

Making her current favorite noise, which mostly sounds like “bbbbbbbb”

Working on the next milestone: sitting up! She’s getting really good at it!

Everything. Must. Go. In. Mouth. Nom nom nom!

My Life with Two

I’ve been meaning to write this blog post for a long time. It just happened that an old friend of mine emailed me on this exact subject, so I’m going to share that rather than write a new post.

I was scared terrified of what would mean to add another child to our family. Change is good, but I was afraid that things would change in a bad way. I didn’t know how I’d handle my high needs child along with a newborn, which is, by definition, also high needs. I didn’t know how I would divide my time. I didn’t know how I’d find time to do the things that keep my sane like knitting, reading, and cleaning my house. Amazingly, at least from my perspective, we’ve made it through this so far. We’ve not only made it through it, but we’ve thrived. We’ve found our rhythm and while things are definitely more hectic and often more challenging, life is better than it was 4 months ago.

I wanted to write this for all of you out there about to add to your family of three or contemplating it. It will be hard. You will be challenged in ways you’ve never imagined. The process of taking that one person who has been your everything and making them not your one-and-only will rip your heart out. Piecing that heart back together so that it can envelop all this new love you have will be amazing.

So without further ado…

Claire,

Hope you don’t mind I am writing you about this. I look up to you as a mom and think you are amazing. Your girls are beautiful and I know how much you put into raising them in a loving way.

I have had a couple periods in recent months, so our conversation lately has turned to the idea of trying for a second child. I have mixed feelings about this. I would love another child soon and want Lydia to have a sibling. But I also remember how hard she was as an infant. I felt like she took all of my energy and then some. She nursed often, didn’t sleep much, and was high needs (my mom would have said colicky like I was, but I didn’t call it colic because I knew why she fussed, she wanted me all the time.) She stopped taking pumped bottles at 1 month, so it’s not like I could pass her off to somebody for an afternoon until recently, now that she eats more solids and drinks from cups (She still nurses 3-4 times a day but I am totally fine with that frequency in the foreseeable future). I am not telling you all this to complain, I would do it again. It was very hard though and I felt close to a breakdown many times until she was about a year.

I guess I don’t really relish a thought of another newborn! I joke that I just want to skip to a 6-12 month old. I also worry about Lydia. What in the world will I do with her in the meantime if I get another infant that is so high needs? She is not the kind that will sit placidly by and play with fluff all day, she demands my attention constantly still, just in the “play with me” way. If I even get on the computer while she is awake she gets mad I am ignoring her. (Luckily she slept in this morning!)  I don’t want to neglect her, and I also don’t want to resent a new baby.

Just thought you might have some good advice for me as you’ve BTDT. Be honest, but hope would be nice too :)

Thanks,

Sarah

And my response…

Sarah,

No problem at all! I wondered this a lot when I was thinking of getting pregnant again and then even more when I was actually pregnant. There were multiple times towards the end of my pregnancy that I was in tears thinking “Oh what have I done?!” because I was so concerned about the idea of adding another to our family and especially what that would do to Dea.

I won’t lie, it hasn’t been easy. Speaking to other parents, it seems that the transition from one to two is much more difficult than the transition to 3 or 4 or even 8. It’s going from a mindset of one person being your whole world to having to divide your time and multitask. When you have one, you can drop everything and cuddle on the couch if they’re sick. If you have two, you can’t drop everything for one child.

Dea was also very high needs as a baby. She nursed every 60-90 minutes around the clock until she was 6 months old. She always had to be held. I couldn’t take my attention off of her for one second. All that kind of stuff. While I can definitely tell you that a lot of that was her (she went from being a high needs baby to a high needs toddler and is very type A), I also wonder how much of it was me. I know I stressed and worried much more than I needed to. So I’m sure that some of that comes from me. I think all first time parents are like that though.

The biggest change for me this time around has been relaxing about things. I couldn’t tell you how often Meredith nurses. I have no idea how many times she wakes in the night (we co-sleep, so I hardly wake myself). I don’t always know when she’ll nap and I nurse her at any little peep instead of trying every other soothing method in my arsenal before finally giving up and nursing her. That kind of stuff. It also helps that she’s a bit more laid back than Dea. I can already tell that she’s not going to be as intense of a person as Dea is as she grows, which makes me both happy and sad. Dea will be a wonderful, independent, assertive child and adult. She will be less prone to give into peer pressure and intrinsically motivated. These are the things I tell myself to get through the day with her being so intense right now. I just don’t know yet how Meredith will be. Part of me relishes in the fact that she’s “easier” as a baby. Part of me regrets that possibly she won’t be all the wonderful things I think about Dea as she grows older. In the end, she’ll be who she is and I’ll do my best to bring out the good parts in her personality.

Anyway, back to your initial question. It’s a hard transition. I know that my relationship with Dea has suffered. It’s impossible for the older child not to suffer in some way when another is introduced into your family. I just try my best to keep in mind that this is difficult for her too. Keeping that in mind makes it easier for me to handle her emotional outbursts and intense need for attention. I work hard to remember that she’s only 3. She needs me just as much as Meredith does, just in her own way.

We’ve gotten into a rhythm though. It was really difficult for me in the beginning because of my postpartum depression (which I didn’t have at all when Dea was born). I felt really detached from Dea. Ingesting my placenta helped a lot with that, along with plenty of sunshine and leafy greens. I’m feeling better every day. We’ve also just developed a rhythm in the fact of getting schedules together and everything. Meredith likes to sleep in (until generally 11 or 12), but doesn’t like to stay in the bed long without me next to her in general. So when Dea wakes up around 7-7:30, we all get out of bed. I change Meredith and nurse her and then she goes in the swing, where she’ll sleep again. I use this time to clean the house, play with Dea (we’ve been doing a “preschool” and we use this time to do the really hands-on stuff), etc. Dea recently stopped napping, but before that I would nurse them both together to get them to nap at the same time in the afternoon. Now it’s more like Meredith napping on me in a wrap while we run errands or other things. I start on dinner early (and have a lot more days where I don’t cook at all), knowing that I may have to stop to nurse a baby, something I’ve become talented at doing in a woven wrap. We all take a bath together in the evening after dinner and the girls go to sleep around 8 or 9, which is when both of them start getting really grouchy and obviously tired. I’m afraid to leave them both in the bed for a long time, so I mostly sit and read or knit in the bed while they sleep. Sometimes I’ll leave the bed for a few minutes if I know something needs to be done like switching laundry or making a loaf of bread. My husband is also very good with helping me around the house these days. I go to bed when I feel tired enough and Meredith nurses throughout the night. It’s not an exact thing, but it’s the rhythm that works best. Some days we leave in the morning and it’ll throw things out of alignment for the rest of the day. Some days we leave during a time that doesn’t normally work and we’re none-the-wiser. I do know that I can only stand leaving the house a couple of mornings a week or I start to get stressed myself.

I’m not excited to start school next week, even though it’s half-time and online only. I don’t like the idea of adding something else to my plate right when I feel like we’re getting things figured out. That’s how life goes though.

Anyway, I hope that wasn’t too long. All-in-all, things have definitely figured themselves out for the better. It’s been tough and a lot of days I have to work harder at life than I used to, but it’s worth it. Meredith is wonderful and Dea is blossoming as a big sister. Did that answer your question alright?

Claire