Tag Archives: Breastfeeding and Family

You’ve Given Me Roots

I was inspired by a recent Breastfeeding Cafe post by Timbra at Bosoms and Babes to write this post. I decided the day my mom gave birth to me would be the perfect day to post this. If/when you read this mom, please don’t call me crying or anything. :-P

Dear Mom,

For some reason, our society views it as something awful to become like your mother. I won’t lie, at times I’ll do something random that reminds me so much of you that I feel horrified. I think that happens to every woman though. You do something that is so “your mother” that you begin to wonder if you really are your own person.

The majority of the time though, I aspire to be like you—but I’m sure that part is old news to you. I’ve been trying to be you for as long as I can remember. At times, I think I’ve gone a little overboard. It’s taken me a long time to find out who I really am. It took me becoming a mother myself.

Even in being a mother myself, you’ve given me the roots to get started. For as long as I can remember, I knew that you gave birth to me and my brother naturally and that you breastfed us. When I was pregnant, it was just accepted in my head that I would do the same. My heroic mother gave birth to me naturally even though she had pitocin—I should be able to do the same.

Me becoming a mother has even opened a new window of conversation for us where I learned that you also co-slept. I also learned that you didn’t breastfeed me for as long as you would have liked to. I learned that my pediatrician told you it was your breast milk that was making me spit up so much and so he told you to switch to formula. I learned how much that hurt you to stop and that it didn’t really even help my reflux by switching to formula.

That knowledge helped me when I, too, had a refluxy baby. It also helped me to figure out that I’m allowed to question my doctors. Both of these things gave me the roots that branched off into other attachment parenting things. They helped me make informed decisions like selective vaccination even though the American Academy of Pediatrics acts like you’re evil if you don’t do all the vaccinations and do them on time. It helped me to decide to keep co-sleeping even though our pediatrician recommended against it when Peanut turned one.

Sometimes I worry that I make you feel bad when I’m talking about breastfeeding versus formula feeding. I want you to know that I am never judging you (or any other mom who has formula fed for that matter). I want you to know that I’m telling you this information as a comrade-in-arms—which is exactly what I view you as. You are a fellow breastfeeder. You are my best friend. Both of which mean that I’m probably going to talk your ear off about breastfeeding statistics.

I want you to know that you did the best you could with what you had—in all facets of parenting. I know you sometimes worry about whether or not you were a good mother at times, but I want you to know you don’t need to worry. I hope that if I’m even in similar situations that I will be able to handle them with the strength that you did and actually come out the other side better for it. I know that you loved me as much as a mother could and that you still do. That’s what really matters.

I love that you’re one of the few people who has never questioned my parenting choices. I love that you’re such a great Mema—even if you do give Peanut a little too much cookies and TV time. I love that Peanut is so excited to see you that she squeals. I love how strong our relationship has always been and continues to be.

I love you Mom.

Facing It As It Comes

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about child-led weaning. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

I obviously haven’t had a child wean yet. Peanut is 16 months old and we have no plans of stopping. I’ve written before about how I used to think I’d stop when Peanut was one year old. Of course, that was before she was actually here. Stopping now would be way too much strain on both of us both emotionally and physically. I don’t even know how I would parent without breastfeeding!

Weirdly enough, I got more questions about when I was going to stop before Peanut was a year old than I do now. Maybe it’s because I’m more confident now? Maybe it’s because they figure that if I’m still going, I’m probably not stopping soon? Maybe it’s just that I’m lucky so far.

I am lucky actually. I’m lucky enough to have the people around me support our breastfeeding relationship. This extends to my friends too. The friends who I was afraid to breastfeed in front of when Peanut was tiny don’t even bat an eye now. These people just see it as part of who we are.

Peanut doesn’t nurse much in public anymore. Not because I’m against it, but because she’s too busy. When she does nurse in public, I try to view every time as a teaching moment. Not for me or her, but for the people around us. I feel that every time that I breastfeed in public that I’m helping to normalize breastfeeding for the people around me.

I’m sure it will get more difficult as she gets older—we’re not even past the World Health Organization’s minimum. I am already expecting some backlash from certain family members. I’m sure that I’ll get more complains as she gets older when she nurses in public. I’m sure that it will bother my friends more.

I’m also hoping that the people around me will see her breastfeed regularly enough that it won’t be a big deal to see her nursing as she gets older. I also know that if they can’t respect our breastfeeding relationship enough to not try to interfere that they’re probably not worth it. Of course questions are always welcome, but I hear of other moms being told they need to stop and that is simply wrong. People like that just won’t have a place in our lives.

Guess we’ll just have to face all of that when it comes.

 

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Breastfeeding In My Family

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about family and breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

My family dynamics in my immediate family have worked to my advantage for breastfeeding. It may seem weird from the outside,  but my husband gets me stuff a lot. Not going out and buying stuff, but if I’m sitting down he’ll get up and get me things I need. I’m not entirely sure how this started, but it’s just what we do. Of course, I’ll get up and get most things for myself, but when I’m otherwise occupied, he’ll get them for me. I do it for him too, but not nearly as much.

This became very important when I stared breastfeeding. Especially in those early days, it was very, very useful for me for him to bring me a glass of water or something to eat or my cell phone or my book. It meant I could focus on the task at hand and not really have to worry about my other needs so much. Even now, 16 months into the breastfeeding relationship, he still takes care of me a lot. A few nights ago I forgot to turn the light off when I was trying to nurse Peanut to sleep. Yes, I could have gotten up and walked across the room and turned off the light myself, but that would have ruined all of the progress I had with getting her to sleep. My husband came all the way upstairs and turned the light off for me without a single complaint.

Breastfeeding has also changed my extended family’s dynamics. As far as I know, I am the first person in my family who has breastfed for a long time and the only person in my husband’s besides one cousin who lives across the country. When I first started breastfeeding Peanut, you could easily see how uncomfortable everyone was—myself included! I would leave the room to feed her. Even after I felt comfortable enough to stay in the room, others would leave when I started breastfeeding. Now it’s just become normal. Everyone stays where they are an acts like Peanut isn’t even nursing. Some of them will even continue to play with Peanut while she nurses!

I think a big part of it is how you look at breastfeeding. Many of the complaints that your family may have about your breastfeeding and the awkwardness that it can create even if they don’t complain is due to thinking that breastfeeding is sexual. No, they don’t think “breasts are for sex so babies eating is sex!”, but there is a mentality there. Breastfeeding can not be gross to see in public if it is not sexual. Breastfeeding can not be inappropriate if it is not sexual. You do not need to leave the room if it is not sexual. There is nothing to hide.

If you can keep this mentality and display it to your family, hopefully they can be more accepting of your breastfeeding relationship. Even if you’re afraid, just try to pretend you’re confident. When you’re confident, people are less likely to try to make you feel awkward. This goes for family as much as it goes for people you don’t know.

 

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.