Tag Archives: Co-sleeping

Hello Again

Gasp! I am alive!

I know, I’ve been neglecting the blog for a while here. Heck, I’ve been neglecting the outside world for a bit. This last semester at school has been the most stressful period of my life… well… ever. Yes, there are other times where there were large events, but this has by far been the busiest I’ve ever been. I felt like I was constantly failing at at least one facet of my life and that’s just not right. We (which has mostly been me, but my husband has offered opinions also with “but it’s your decision” tacked on the end) have decided that I’m going to start doing school part-time again.

It’s just simply not worth my sanity to finish school faster. This means that our whole plan of waiting until I graduate to give Peanut a little brother or sister is now off the table. Having her be 4.5+ years old before we had another child was really pushing it for us anyway, so I’m definitely not going to wait even longer. As for when we’re going to have the next one, we’ve decided on a tentative time period, but you all will just have to wait and see. :-P

We also put down our dog Kerrigan. We went in and talked to the vet and she said that with her cleft palate (which is a genetic disorder) that she likely had more genetic disorders and likely one in her brain that caused her to be aggressive. She said that we had done everything that we could have and she recommended euthanasia. It was an awful decision, but it was the right one. I knew it was the right decision before we did it, but the fact was cemented in my mind when even after she was gone, I still felt like she might suddenly bite me. I felt guilty at how much relief I felt leaving that vet office.

We had decided before we put her down that we wouldn’t get another dog for a long time. Within a few days though, I was out of my mind missing having a dog in my house. I’m a big animal lover and it took years for me to get my husband to agree to get a dog even though he loves them too. Yes, there were many, many bad things about our dog, but there’s just something about having someone curled up at your feet while you read a book and I couldn’t stand not having. After (lots of) arguing, we finally decided to get another. I researched breeds that are best with kids and found a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel that was for sale. She was only 11 weeks old and the girl selling her had bought her from a breeder, but then afterwards decided that she couldn’t keep her. I did all of the tests that I didn’t know to do when we got Kerri and she passed them all with flying colors.

Meet Curie

You’d think that getting a puppy would add to my stress, but it’s actually been great. Even with all of the potty training, extra responsibility, and training, she’s been a doll. Yeah, she sometimes gets too rambunctious, but it’s great having her around. Other than classes, she’s gone with us everywhere. We even sneaked her into see Tangled! It’s so amazing to have a dog who loves everyone. I carried her around the Festival of Trees and probably about 100 people pet her (people love that dog!) and she was ecstatic each and every time. Peanut loves her too and she’s great with Peanut.

Peanut is now sleeping through the night and in her own bed. I didn’t really do anything to make it that way. We bought Peanut the mattress and started putting her in it for naps and before we go to bed. When I would go to bed and she would still be sleeping, I would just let her continue to sleep in there. By this point, she’s going to bed at 8:30, and most nights not waking up until 5:30 am to nurse. I generally go in her room and fall asleep on her bed with her while she’s nursing. Then we wake up at 6:30 (which I swear will kill me one of these days). Peanut is also a talking machine. I know I missed the last newsletter, but I’ll make up for it with the next one. It’s amazing how quickly things change.

Peanut’s New Bed

A few weeks ago, I posted pictures of all the things we’ve done to Peanut’s room in our new house. One of the things I said that I still wanted to do was to get her a bed.

A mattress for Peanut was on the list of things to buy once we got our Homebuyer’s Tax Credit, but shortly after getting the money, my husband found out he was going to lose his job because the small business he was working for is shutting down, so spending went on hold. Luckily, the world—even in recession—is always in need of programmers. He started his new job on Monday, missing only one work day between one job ending and the other one beginning. Yay!

So now that we’re allowed to spend the money we had planned on spending again, we decided to get Peanut her mattress.

Oh boy, does she love it!

She loves to lay on her pillow (which we bought mostly for me while I’m nursing her to sleep) and read books. She thinks it’s cool to walk around on the bed. She actually cuddles me—without nursing!—a little bit while laying on it. I’m thoroughly happy that we bought it for her.

We still co-sleep, but she goes into her bed for the times that she would normally be alone in ours. This mostly equates to naps and from the time she goes to bed until the time I do. It’s really nice to have her in her own room and bed while I’m still awake.

This means I can put away laundry while she’s napping, I can get changed without worrying of waking her, and gasp! I can do “unspeakable things” in my own bed! What a thought!

It’s also nice that we’re actually using her room. Yeah, we still put stuff in there before the bed, but we didn’t actually hang out in there or anything. Now I rock her in the rocking chair when she doesn’t want to sleep. We read books on her bed before she goes to sleep. She even goes into her room to play with toys more often now.

For reading all that common-sense nonsense, I’ll reward you with a cute picture of Daddy and Peanut reading on her bed.

My New House Mondays: Peanut’s Room

And now we head upstairs (we’ll hit the kitchen on the way back down)…

This is Peanut’s room!

Yeah, she’s missing a bed. Since we’re still co-sleeping, it’s not a big deal to us to get her a bed. It would be nice to get one for her to nap on though, so it’ll happen soon-ish. Even bedless, it’s really nice to have a room to keep all of her stuff rather than our room. Makes things much less crowded.

I’m also super proud of that rocking chair. We bought it second hand while I was pregnant for something like $30. It needed to be cleaned up, but that’s about it. Then after a few months of use it started making funny, annoying noises. Just recently, I had my father come over and help me with it and we tightened some bolts (which mostly fixed it) and then sawed off part that it was catching on. Just like new! People kept telling me to just throw it out and get a new one, but that seemed so wasteful. I’m happy that we fixed it, thereby eliminating trash in the landfills and keeping money in my pocket!

I really love these little elephants. Elephants are Peanut’s animal (get it? Peanut. Elephant. Ha!) so they’re everywhere in her room and she has a ton of elephant clothes, toys, etc. I made these elephants and letters (yes, her real name is Dea, not Peanut) when she was still inside of my tummy. I painted all of them myself and I loveses them.

This is one of Peanut’s toy boxes. The picture is a little cat and dog (because Peanut loves cats and dogs). It used to be my husband’s and when I found it in storage I immediately thought of Peanut. She squeals every time she sees it. Then the board above it is for collecting mementos. Also something we found in storage. Her first movie ticket (which is actually mine because I didn’t have to pay for her) is all that’s on there right now.

These are some cute little elephants I made from a DIY on Prudent Baby. I love making elephant things for Peanut so when I saw this I had to do it! The only change I made to her tutorial is that I starched them after I was done because they wanted to bend.

Lastly, here are some more elephant things along with her dresser and growth chart. I’m really happy we started keeping a growth chart. I wish we would have started earlier though. My only other project for the room besides getting a bed is painting the dresser. This is one that belonged to my husband’s grandma and it’s pretty hammered—especially on the top. I would like to paint it white. Possibly pink or green like the walls if I’m feeling daring.

Do any of you have way too much fun decorating children’s rooms? Am I the only crazy one who gave my child a theme of a specific animal? :-P

Edit: I realized I forgot to add a “before” picture. Here ya go!


Friday Fill-Ins

#189

FFI

And…here we go!

1. Music blasting with the windows down is my favorite way to drive.

2. More sleep is what I like first thing in the morning.

3. The first thing I said this morning was: “We don’t hit Mommy to wake her up!”.

4. Marinated chicken; it’s what’s for dinner tonight.

5. It’s all been a very stressful summer. Painting, moving, Breastfeeding Cafe, our Canadian in town (yes, we own him), then school starts again! No breaks here!

6. Blogging is what I feel like doing right now, but I shall go pick up Peanut from her Oma and Opa’s instead.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to going to the fair, tomorrow my plans include driving to Wyoming for chickens and Sunday, I want to finish cleaning the house before our very first guest staying in our new home arrives Monday!

We’ll add some fun linkage too!

Check out my photos at At Mother’s Breast (my post about them will hopefully be up tomorrow).

Look out for the post with LOTS of pictures from the Babywearing Fashion Show (also hopefully up tomorrow).

And I absolutely can not get enough of reading Heather and Kristi. Seriously, you guys should post every 20 minutes so I can read it. :-P

Co-sleeping and Breastfeeding to Function

Welcome to The Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival!

This post was written as part of The Breastfeeding Cafe’s Carnival. For more info on the Breastfeeding Cafe, go to www.breastfeedingcafe.wordpress.com. For more info on the Carnival or if you want to participate, contact Claire at clindstrom2 {at} gmail {dot} com. Today’s post is about nighttime parenting and nursing. Please read the other blogs in today’s carnival listed below and check back for more posts July 18th through the 31st!

At Peanut’s 12 month check-up, the Pediatrician asked how often she wakes up at night. My honest answer? I don’t know.

That’s the beauty of co-sleeping while breastfeeding, isn’t it? She stirs, I “wake up” (which is totally not waking up at all), plop her on, and go back to sleep. I don’t even remember this “waking up” the next day.

I’ve always been big on sleep. Like, I’m one of those people who can sleep 12 hours and still feel tired. I am one of those people who can not live on 5 hours of sleep. There is no amount of coffee that can cure my tiredness when I don’t get enough sleep.

I’ve also dealt with insomnia my whole life—at times being bad enough that I’ve had to resort to a certain prescription that people basically black out if they take it and try to stay awake and it still didn’t make me go to sleep. I’m fine with staying asleep once I’m there, but if I’m awake, getting to sleep is nearly impossible.

I was convinced I wouldn’t co-sleep with Peanut. I bought a crib and tried on multiple occasions to put her to sleep in it, but me staying awake through the nursing and getting her deeply enough asleep that she wouldn’t wake up when I set her down just ended up with her sleeping in the crib next to me, me lying awake for an hour, then her waking up a half hour after I finally fall asleep to eat again.

Yes, she woke up every 90 minutes all night long—for the first six months or so of her life. She nursed every 90ish minutes 24 hours a day until she sat upright and started solid foods. Even after that, it was every 2-3 hours. She had really bad reflux and the few times she slept longer than that, she would wake up screaming in pain. There was an adjustment period where my body got used to waking up and going back to sleep so often, but when I look back at those days now, I have a sneaking suspicion that I was much more rested than other moms of newborns.

16 months later, we’re still co-sleeping. Even now, I do not think I could function without co-sleeping and breastfeeding.

 

 Here are more posts by the Breastfeeding Cafe Carnival participants! Check back because more will be added throughout the day.

Playing the System

When I was pregnant, I was convinced I wouldn’t co-sleep. Actually, I specifically remember my Bradley Method teacher recommended we look into The Baby Book and attachment parenting. She was explaining what they were all about and the only part I didn’t agree with was co-sleeping. Yes, I even told her that. I was convinced I would roll over on my baby because I move so much in my sleep.

Then Peanut is born and she wakes up Every. Time. I. Try. To. Put. Her. In. The. Crib. The few times I do get her in the crib, I lay there awake because I forced myself to stay awake through her feeding and falling deep enough asleep that I could transfer her over. Did I mention I have problems with insomnia too? Yeah, that whole crib thing just wasn’t working for us.

For a while we used the crib as a side-car because babies aren’t supposed to sleep on pillow-top mattresses, but after a while she wasn’t even really sleeping in the crib because she would just roll towards me. Actually it became a hazard because she would work her way down to the bottom of the bed and roll off the side (because the crib wasn’t as long as the bed). So we decided it would be better if we just pushed the bed up against the wall.

So there our crib was, just sitting there gathering dust. I figured there was no point in selling it for a fraction of the price. Maybe we’d use it in the future? It does convert to a toddler bed (which is way too high off the ground may I add). Possibly we’d want to side-car it again for the next child? Every time there was a recall, I’d joke “I hope it’s our crib!” because I thought it would be great to just return the thing to the store and get our money back.

Lo and behold, there was a recall of our crib—over a year after buying the crib.

Target allowed us to return the crib for a full refund. We decided to use some of the money (gift card since we didn’t have the receipt anymore) to buy Peanut a cutesy little toddler bed. We’re still co-sleeping, but decided to put her in her own bed while we’re not in the room (i.e. naps and before we go to sleep). I was paranoid that she would fall off of our bed even though she hasn’t done it in months. It’s pretty high up because the pillow-top and I don’t want to put it on the floor because my husband has hip issues, so it’s difficult enough for her to navigate getting off even when she’s fully awake and can see what she’s doing.

We couldn’t get the toddler bed to work out, so I plan on returning it (90 days is what’s allowed) and buying her a twin-size mattress instead. I think that after a year of pillow-top that she’s not used to the hard crib mattress. Either way, we don’t have a crib that we hardly used sitting around taking up storage space and that alone makes me a happy mommy.

So if you have one of the recalled cribs—even if you’ve already ordered the replacement part—and don’t want it anymore, try returning it. Worked out great for us!

The Joys of Breastfeeding a Toddler

Welcome to the Carnival of Breastfeeding! This month is about the joys of breastfeeding. Please read the other blogs in the carnival (listed at the bottom of this post).

Peanut,

You turned one on March 20, 2010. My original goal was to breastfeed you until you turned one and now that we’re here, I have no plans on stopping. There were so many joyous things about breastfeeding you and now there are more new joyous things about breastfeeding you as a toddler. Some of these things make life easier and some of them just make life that much happier. I truly do not know what I would do without breastfeeding.

Emotionally. I breastfeed you to get you to sit calmly when all you want to do is chase the dog. I breastfeed you to make you stop crying when you fall down the stairs. I breastfeed you when I want to relax on the couch for five minutes because I’ve been chasing you all day. I breastfeed you when you’re teething and whiny and I want to pull my hair out.

Physically. I breastfeed you so I can put your hair in pigtails without you trying to run away. I breastfeed you when you’re hungry and I forgot to bring snacks (as if you can ever forget to bring snacks when breastfeeding!). I breastfeed you when you wake up in the middle of the night. I breastfeed you so I can do homework or write my blog (like right now).

Bonding. I breastfeed you to make you laugh because tickling, funny faces, and especially chomping on your arm are that much funnier with a boob in your mouth. I breastfeed you when you want some mommy time. I breastfeed you so you’ll play with (and sometimes hit) my face, chest, and hair. I breastfeed you so you’ll stick your hand down my shirt because we both think it’s hilarious. I breastfeed you so I can see your face light up when I ask and sign “milk?”.

I’m so thankful that we’ve gotten through our rough spots and have the ability to continue this wonderful relationship. I mean, who would want this?

Here are more post by Carnival of Breastfeeding participants! More will be added throughout the day.

Why Do We Co-sleep?

Of all of the “crazy” things we do (a.k.a. attachment parenting things), co-sleeping seems to be the the one people take issue with most often. I’m always amazed when yet another person disagrees with Peanut sleeping in our bed when at least 70% of people bring their baby to their bed at some point.

Why do we co-sleep?

Safety

Of course, there are certain things you need to do to make your sleeping area appropriate for an infant (read this fantastic article by PHD in Parenting for info on co-sleeping safety), but that’s not what I’m talking about.

Babies sleeping on a safe surface with sober, nonsmoking parents respond to their parents, and the parents respond to them. The chance of SIDS occurring in this situation is as close to zero as we can measure. For better or worse, most babies have never sneezed in their parents’ beds without their parents knowing it. How could they possibly stop breathing without our immediately being aware of the problem and quickly stimulating them back to a regular, safe respiratory pattern?… Newborn babies breathe in irregular rhythms and even stop breathing for a few seconds at a time. To put it simply, they are not designed to sleep alone. — Dr. Jay Gordon

Everything in this article just makes sense. Why do we spend so much of our days fighting our intuition? What feels right about taking this beautiful, perfect baby that was living in my belly for 9 months and put her across the house from me for at least 1/3 of the day? Would I do that in any other situation?

I truly believe that co-sleeping—when done safely—lowers the risk of SIDS. No, there’s no specific research that I can find that says this is true, but it just makes sense to me.

Convenience

I’ve said this many, many times—I think I would be insane right now if I weren’t co-sleeping. This is beyond true. I know many people who have gotten less sleep while co-sleeping, but for me it’s the only way I can get a decent amount. When I was pregnant, I was convinced I wouldn’t co-sleep. I was sure I would roll over on my baby (which is so ridiculous in retrospect. Do you roll off of your bed? No. That’s because you know there’s the edge there even when you’re sleeping. You know the baby is there even when you’re sleeping.) so I bought a crib. I even genuinely tried to get her to sleep in it (in the same room as me) a few times.

I would force myself to sit up and stay awake while I fed her, I would oh so carefully lay her in the crib so she wouldn’t wake (which she still did most of the time), then I would lay awake in my bed cursing myself for not being able to fall asleep. I’ve always had issues with insomnia and forcing myself to stay awake just told my body “Okay then, you’re awake!” and I couldn’t sleep at all. Next thing I knew, I was awake again a half hour after finally falling asleep to do the whole process again.

Along with not being able to fall asleep easily, I’m also a person who needs to get a significant amount of sleep to function. The recommendation is 7-9 hours of sleep, but it’s really a bell curve. The majority of people need that much sleep, but (as I’m sure you know) there are some people who need a lot less and some people who need a lot more. I’m one of those people who need a lot more. There are days when I get a 10 hours and am still yawning and in desperate need of caffeine.

I love it.

Yes, this sounds selfish. It is selfish.

Remember this baby that was inside of me for 9 months? Of course I want to be close to her! Why would I turn down the chance to cuddle my Peanut all night?

Having a very, very active baby means we don’t get many chances to just sit around and cuddle. Even with the fact that she likes to be held frequently, she is still playing the majority of the time I hold her. Even with how exhausting it is to have an active toddler (yes, I consider her a toddler now), I still enjoy it. That said, I also enjoy being able to cuddle my little Peanut and when she’s sleeping or eating (when she’s not doing breastfeeding acrobatics) are the only times I get to do that.

Bottom line: co-sleeping is what works for us. I don’t judge you for your decisions about raising your children, so why do you get to judge me?

A Thank You to my Husband

Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we’re writing about how a co-parent has or has not supported us in our dedication to natural parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

******

Dear Curtis,

I know it’s a cliche, but you truly are my rock. You keep me grounded—even when I don’t ask for it or it isn’t polite. You help me see logic when I’m overrun by emotion. You stand up for me when I’m not feeling confident enough to stand up for myself. I could not be a natural parent without you by my side.

First off, I could not have brought Peanut into this world the way she deserved without you. You were there with me every second of that 33.5 hours. Many speak of the experience that the woman goes through during childbirth, but the man (with the Bradley Method) goes through a very profound experience too. You pushed to give me counter pressure until your arms shook. Told me that I was strong enough when I wanted to give up. And when the ultimate moment came (sooner than we had expected, but not soon enough!) you handled it with the grace and efficiency that I was in too much pain to have.

In those early weeks of breastfeeding, you helped me as much as you could sans feeding the baby yourself. You brought me water, you helped me position her, and you fought (and continue to fight) the few people we’ve come across that weren’t 100% supportive. I feel confident that if I am ever confronted by strangers while breastfeeding in public that you will defend me.

When your parents hint that they don’t like our co-sleeping, you’re just as likely to explain the benefits as I am. When I show you funny things that OB’s have said on MyOBSaidWhat.com you laugh because you understand. You went with me every week to our Bradley Method class even when you had homework out your ears.

You stay up with Peanut so I can sleep. You play with her so I can cook dinner. You watch her so I can go to class. You’re a great father and I am lucky to have you as my husband.

Thank you for choosing me.

******

Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

(This list will be updated Feb. 9 with all the carnival links, and all links should be active by noon EST. Go to Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama for the most recently updated list.)

The Guilt

There’s a war going on in the midst of the mothering world—breastfeeding versus formula feeding. I may be biased as a breastfeeder, but I feel that the formula feeders have more hate. When advocating for breastfeeding rights, I never say “oh, you should have tried harder” or “you’re an awful mom because you formula feed” (because it’s the system’s fault, not the moms), but it seems like no matter what I say it is taken that way. I blame this on The Guilt.

Recently, I tweeted about a study I found:

I basically just shortened the title and posted a link. Immediately afterwards, I had a “Twitter argument” with @madamemenu about correlation versus causation and the like which ultimately ended in a “agree to disagree” type of thing. It was not until a week or so ago that I found out I was prominently mentioned in this post by Fearless Formula Feeder. Once again, it was misinterpreted that I was trying to make causation when saying “more likely” directly equals correlation in my mind, but that isn’t the point. The point is this constant war between formula feeding and breastfeeding moms.

Breastfeeding moms who often struggle to get to the point they are at with breastfeeding and formula feeding moms who likely turned to formula because of the same struggles—it would make a perfect team. So why do we decide to hate each other rather than band together to fight the system? I blame The Guilt.

I realize most of the people who read my blog breastfeed, but play along with me here. As a lactivist, I always look at breastfeeding and pregnancy and think about all of the formula ads I saw, the cans of formula that were sent to my house, the bag of formula they gave me at the hospital, et cetera. Imagine you formula feed/fed your baby. From this perspective, rather than being bombarded with ads for formula, you’re instead bombarded with constant messages that breast is best—implying you’re not doing the best for your baby. No matter what your reasoning is for chosing to not breastfeed, being told you’re not doing the best for your child will make you feel The Guilt. No matter how true it is, you start to resent those ads and eventually even the women who do breastfeed. You feel judged. You feel angry. You feel The Guilt.

As many of you know, I co-sleep. I have thoroughly researched the benefits of co-sleeping and have done everything I can to eliminate the risks. I am entirely convinced this is the correct decision for my family and I quite often discuss the benefits of co-sleeping with others as well as how to eliminate risks. That said, I still occasionally feel The Guilt. The American Academy of Pediatrics (the same organization I quite often cite for their breastfeeding recommendations) says it’s not safe. So does the Consumer Product Safety Commission. No matter how convinced I am that this is the right decision for my family, being told that it isn’t the best or safest makes me feel that same guilt, feel that same judgment, and feel that same burning fury in my chest that wants to kill any person who dare claim I am endangering my child.

In my lactivism, I never try to make a formula feeding mom feel guilty. Every time before I write a post, tweet, or even comment on someone else’s blog I contemplate two things: 1. Do I sound accusitory to formula feeding moms? How will my statements be read from the other side? While at the same time walking the fine line of 2. Am I sugar coating it for formula feeding mom’s benefit? Am I in any way implying that formula feeding is just as good a breastfeeding? I don’t want to tip toe around The Guilt and give soon-to-be or one-day-to-be moms the impression that they don’t even need to try. I want them to understand that sometimes breastfeeding is really, really difficult in the beginning and some moms don’t get the proper support to get to that point where it’s easy breezy, but that just means they need to try to surround themselves with the support and do as much as they can to educate themselves before they’re in the middle of it all.

Lactivism is not meant to cause guilt, it’s meant to prevent it.