Tag Archives: Third Trimester

Making the Most of My Time

40 Weeks 0 Days. Baby has dropped over the last two weeks!

Today is my due date. First off, this does not mean that you’re allowed to start asking me every day if I’ve had the baby yet. I’ve decided that Facebook posts that ask me will be deleted (I already had to delete one yesterday), texts will go without response, etc. If I feel frustrated at someone prying about this baby being born, I’m just simply going to ignore it. It’s not worth getting myself upset (by having conversations with all these people about how the baby hasn’t come yet) or hurting my relationships (by reacting badly to their comments).

But that’s not the purpose of today’s post. Today I’m talking about the little bit of time we have left as a family of three.

After the prodromal labor two weeks ago, I was really sent into high gear. When I thought I was in labor, I realized how unprepared I really was. I had the big things done, but things would still be a mess if I went into labor right then. So I took the following week really paring down my “To Do Before Baby” list and was intensely satisfied when it was as completed as possible (with some things that had to wait until a certain day or other event to happen still on it). My house was the cleanest it had ever been, everything I needed to do for the next couple of months was in order, and I was sitting there waiting.

I found myself re-cleaning things that had already been cleaned. I felt horribly impatient. I felt angry at the other moms on Twitter who were having their babies. I felt grouchy and irritable and just sooo tired of being pregnant.

Then I realized how this is all effecting Peanut. She had to deal with the mom who was being a grouch. She had to deal with the mom who wasn’t paying enough attention to her because she was busy. She gets the short end of the stick and after the baby comes, it’ll get even worse. So I decided that the rest of my time will be spent absolutely adoring my daughter.

I know we’ll find a new normal, but for a while things are going to get really tough for her. She’s so excited to meet the baby (and hold it and play with it and take a bath with it), but I don’t think she really realizes that things will be different for her. There will be extra stress and there will be less time devoted to her. It’s just a fact when you have two kids. There will be an adjustment. So until this baby comes, I’m spending my time playing with her, cuddling with her, and just giving her all the attention I possibly can. Hopefully it’ll help her with the changes to come.

Today I am 40 weeks and 0 days pregnant. The dreaded due date. I’ve been crampy and can hardly sleep, no matter how much I try. Heartburn is still killer, which doesn’t seem fair considering it’s supposed to calm down when the baby lowers. At my midwife appointment yesterday she said my body looks “more ready” and my bump is moving lower. This, of course, also means I’m getting some awesome pelvic pressure. Also peeing every 5 minutes and can’t poo for the life of me. Yeah, I know you wanted to know that.

Prodromal Labor

38 Weeks 0 Days While I thought I was in labor.

Prodromal… I feel like that word mocks me.

I spent the majority of New Years Eve thinking I was in labor. It finally ended at around 2 or 3 am New Years day with a shot of vodka (with expressed consent from my midwife) and no baby.

From what I’ve read online, prodromal labor is often thought to be synonymous with pre-labor or Braxton Hicks contractions. This isn’t always necessarily true. What I experienced two days ago progressed and was painful. While I did spend a good part of the day in denial, in the end I truly thought I was in labor. I even felt an urge to push (though that may have been in my head, I’m not sure).

Contractions started at 10am and I mostly ignored them. I didn’t time them or anything of that sort, but they felt different. There was pain in my lower abdomen and rather than being an uncomfortable tightening like Braxton Hicks, they felt more like menstrual cramps. Possibly like a bad stomach ache. I thought possibly I just needed to use the restroom, so I tried that a few times with no relief. I also noticed a significant increase in urination. If even the tiniest bit was in my bladder, I needed to go immediately.

After around an hour and a half of contractions, I started to wonder. We went for a walk around the block to see if it would slow things down. They were coming regularly (though I still wasn’t timing), so we decided that we should run out to get some last minute things (read: hose and adapter for filling the birth pool) just in case this was really it. While we were out, I felt an intense urge to be at home. I wanted my nest. We called the midwife to say this might be it so she’d be forewarned and she said to call again when they were five minutes apart.

After eating lunch, I put Peanut down for her nap. Nursing made the contractions stronger, but they calmed once she unlatched. I started timing contractions on an app I downloaded so I could tell my husband about them since he wasn’t in the room and they were around 6 minutes apart. I tried to nap myself, but couldn’t, so I took a bath. It didn’t slow things, though I will admit it’s difficult to really relax when my tub is so pathetically small. By this point I had tried all five things to tell if I was in real labor according to The Bradley Method: drink, eat, take a walk, take a bath, nap (though I couldn’t nap through the contractions).

By 8PM, I was thinking we were having a baby that night. Things were progressing slower than I had anticipated, but they were getting stronger and closer together. I called my mother and had her come over to tend Peanut during bedtime and sleep and she arrived a while later with some food I asked her to grab at the store. They went to bed. We called the midwife when they were 5 minutes apart and she told us to call when we wanted her to come. I decided to rest for a while since I figured I wouldn’t have another chance any time soon. It took a long time, but I finally started falling asleep, only to be woken by an incredible antsy feeling like I needed to get up and move.

I tried the birth pool, which we had filled earlier, but it was too hot. I decided to go downstairs and watch Arrested Development while bouncing on the birth ball. By this point the contractions were around 2-3 minutes apart. After a little while I started feeling incredibly annoyed by the show, so we headed back upstairs. I tried to rest again, but to no avail. I started feeling incredibly shaky and wanted to get in the pool again. This time it was very nice. My husband determined that I was in transition and that we needed to get the midwife to our house.

She arrived and set up her supplies. My husband was in the pool with me helping me through contractions and I started feeling an urge to push. I even pushed for a little while before requesting the midwife check my cervix. When she did, I was still at the exact same dilation as I was five days earlier.

She explained to me that this sometimes happens with prodromal labor. These weren’t Braxton Hicks, but rather something in between Braxton Hicks and true labor contractions. In hindsight, I can see that they should have been more intense. They were progressing, but I guess I just assumed I was having an easier-than-normal labor. They were painful, but nothing in comparison to my last labor, but I had decided that was because this baby is in the correct position. It was progressing slowly, but I figured that progression that doesn’t stop with change in activity is still progression.

I felt devastated that I wasn’t meeting Twig that night. I felt humiliated that I had thought it was the real thing. I felt sorry that I dragged the midwife out of bed in the middle of the night. While my husband and the midwife cleaned up the supplies and drained the birth pool, I sat in the bathroom and cried. I felt so silly. Like the woman that rushes to the hospital at the first twinge in her abdomen.

The midwife told me to take a shot of vodka (which she said was essentially what they’d give you in a hospital to stop contractions) and get a good night rest. She hugged me and told me over and over how she had the exact same thing happen with two of her babies. Throughout all of this the contractions continued, which felt like my body was betraying me somehow. How could it still continue when I knew it was fake?

I fell into a deep sleep that night and didn’t wake until 11am the next day. Since I had written her a note before going to bed, my mother knew what was going on and took Peanut to her house. It felt so good to hug my Peanut when my mom brought her back shortly after I woke. I felt teary-eyed all morning (or I suppose afternoon given the time I woke) and slept with Peanut for 2.5 hours during her nap, which made me feel much better. I still feel upset about the whole incident and how it made me feel, but I’m sure that will lessen even more once the baby really does come. I feel foolish even sharing the story here, but when I went searching for information on prodromal labor I felt like the internet was missing information on what I went through. So I want you to know that if you’ve gone through this, you’re not alone.

I am now 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant. If I sit for too long, my ribs kill kill me (though according to all those pregnancy sites I should be getting some relief from that since the baby is low now, uh NOT). If I stand for too long my feet kill me. My tailbone hurts. I can’t sleep in because my ribs are killing me by the time that I wake up in the morning. I spend all night tossing and turning. My heartburn kills.

Nevertheless, I’m happy to have a little extra time. We’re getting some stuff done around the house that I know we won’t want to once the baby comes and that makes me happy. I’m also getting rid of all the small things on my pre-baby to do list. I’m certainly not doing anything to hurry this along if just to not go through that whole fiasco again.

Nearing Full-term and Stress

This is what I look like at 6:30am when I can't sleep--dirty mirror, burnt out lightbulb, and all. 36 weeks 2 days

I am a big ball of stress.

Christmas is coming and I’m not going to have half of the gifts I’m knitting finished in time. Twig is coming and I feel like my list is incredibly long considering that I thought I had nothing to do a few months ago. Money is tight and I still have things I need to get for Christmas and Twig, not to mention regular household expenses and a few bigger ticket items I need to buy like cat food and laundry detergent. My house is a mess. I am still not over this dang cold even though the husband and Peanut have been better for a week. I just feel stressed out.

Really though, it’s not that much in the end. I keep trying to remind myself of that. People don’t care if their Christmas gifts are a little late. A lot of the stuff I need to do or get for Twig isn’t really necessary before he/she is born. Money will work itself out, even if it’s more tight that I was planning on it being this month. The house will eventually get clean, even if we have to eat out of tupperware for a while. I’m giving up and going to the doctor, so that should take care of the cold. We will survive. Life is not that bad. These are all middle class problems. Things could be much worse.

In spite of that last paragraph, I am still a big ball of stress!

How did you get rid of stress in the last days of pregnancy? Someone please tell me that it doesn’t matter if we don’t order a new Nose Frida before Twig arrives!

I am now 36 weeks and 2 days pregnant. The cold symptoms have let up enough that I am readily able to notice the awful heartburn again, but not enough that I am able to get the little amount of sleep that my pregnant body and toddler trying to kick me off the bed allows me to get. I literally woke up over a dozen times last night. Ugh.

Speaking of heartburn, I was all excited when the books and other such calendars started telling me that the baby could “drop” soon. Relief from the heartburn and shortness of breath! Yay! Oh wait, since you’re a second-time mom, the baby likely won’t drop until you’re in labor. WTF? That is so not fair.

Speaking of not fair, what’s up with these Braxton Hicks contractions? It’s said that they’re not supposed to be painful, but I beg to differ. It used to be just when something was touching my belly, but now I frequently find myself stopping to breathe. Certainly not as painful as labor contractions, but also certainly not painless. My midwife told me at my last appointment that I’m “nice and tight” in my belly, so maybe that makes them worse? Either way, all this pre-labor better mean that I don’t have to work as hard in real labor. If only it worked that way, huh?

I’ve also developed this lovely new symptom of incredible rib pain that won’t go away. It kept me up half the night tossing and turning two nights ago. My midwife showed us this super cool thing to help move the baby around and that usually makes it subside. I can’t remember the name of it, but you fold a sheet in half “hot-dog style” and the pregnant woman lays on it in the middle, then the partner grabs one end of the sheet in each hand and pulls them straight up. The partner then pulls each side alternately for a minute or so. It makes me feel like I’m on the agitate cycle of my washing machine. Try it out!

Pain Medication For Sutures

Sicky at 35 Weeks 2 Days

Continuing with the theme of discussing items mentioned in my birth plans, I’ve gotten quite a reaction from one line.

Of course, I would like all precautions taken to avoid tearing. If tearing does happen, I do not want local pain medication to repair.

Or alternately stated in my hospital birth plan:

If stitching is required, do so without the use of pain medication.

Everyone wants to know why in the world I would want someone coming at my girlie bits with a needle without numbing me up first. I don’t blame you. Before Peanut’s birth (and the subsequent transfer to the hospital) I would have thought it equally insane.

When Peanut was born, I tore both up and down. My hospital midwife said that it could have happened just the same if I were in her care, but having spent quite a time analyzing Peanut’s birth (don’t we all?), I would bet that I at least wouldn’t have torn so severely. All the books tell you to stop pushing when you feel the ring of fire. Ease up for a moment, let your body stretch. Every woman tells you that is the most difficult thing to do at that particular moment. In my case, I would say that my inability to stop pushing during the ring of fire was even more intense because I was in panic mode.

People always compliment us on how we handled our accidental home birth. Really, we did amazingly well for our situation. Regardless of that fact, we still were in (what I call) panic mode. This is what happens in an emergency when you lose all track of time and just act. Your only priority is to fix the situation. I think that this reaction is why it took me time to “get over” Peanut’s birth not going as planned, even though it had all the basic requirements (healthy baby, intervention-free, vaginal, etc.). Her birth was not peaceful for me–it was panic.

When I realized that she was coming right now, I didn’t have time for shock and awe. I didn’t stop to analyze. My knee-jerk reaction was to Get. Her. Out. I wanted the situation that had caused the panic to be resolved. I wanted to make sure she was okay. So when I felt that ring of fire, I pushed. Not only did I push, but I pushed harder. I used all my reserves and I got her out. It’s always been amazing to me watching birth videos where you see the baby’s head gradually coming out, then there’s a pause where the head is out and the body is in, then one final push to get the baby’s body out. For me (while I admit that I don’t have the clearest memory of this time), it was like one big push. I felt her head was probably an inch or two from crowning, tried to get into a squatting position (which didn’t work because my husband was getting ready to catch her and my mother-in-law couldn’t support me squatting like I needed) and when that didn’t work, got onto all fours and pushed. There could have been more than one actual push, but there weren’t minutes between. There wasn’t a pause. The baby was coming, so I got her out.

Of course, after transferring to the hospital, the OB that was on call stitched my tears. While I was no longer in panic mode, I most certainly was in shock. I remember giving no forewarning what was happening, I remember it being incredibly painful over and over, and I remember trying to tell her to stop (which she did not listen to). In my memory, I was jabbed probably as many times as the amount of stitches I actually received. Then there was the incredible burning of the numbing drugs. In my mind, it was the worst part of my birth.

Of course, I realize that all of this is likely over-exaggerated in my mind. I realize that it probably wasn’t so many jabs and she was probably much nicer than I remember (though they told me she had just done 3 births pretty much simultaneously and wasn’t not in a good mood, so she probably wasn’t super nice either). It probably would have hurt worse to have her stitch me up and down without pain medication. Regardless, I do not want to experience that again.

So that’s what prompted me to put in my birth plans that I do not want pain medication. After discussing it with my midwife, we will evaluate it at the time. She said I am no more likely to tear having done so in the past (she said she had 3 episiotomies and then went on to have 5 tear/cut free births). She also said that if the tear is minor, she likely won’t stitch at all. Even if I do need stitches, there are other options besides the injectable numbing medication. She understands my previous experience and is willing to work with me. One of the many reasons I love having a home birth midwife.

I am now 35 weeks and 2 days along. We’re still getting over our nasty cold over here, so honestly pregnancy-related complaints have been the least of my worries over the last couple of weeks. It sure does suck being sick while pregnant. It’s also difficult to ascertain whether a symptom is “just pregnancy” or something related to the cold. Things like my shortness of breath and inability to eat much are likely related to both. I’ve also “surrendered” and taken Guaifenesin a couple of times today. What was just nasal and throat has now moved into my chest and I was getting concerned about pneumonia (which I was lucky enough to get at the beginning of this year, likely due to my asthma). The medication made breathing much easier, which I would like to see as a sign that it’s not pneumonia, but only time will tell.

Are you going to have a water birth?

33 Weeks 1 Day

It’s a question that almost always follows the announcement that we’re giving birth at home. I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m not generally met with outrage. I think that more people would be upset if it weren’t already expected that we’re “the weird ones.” I think that most family and friends realize that our parenting decisions differ from the general populace and that we feel strongly about them. We’ve had the occasional question about safety and what not, but mostly people just accept that we’re going to do what we do.

What surprises me though is when strangers don’t react. Somehow it ends up coming up in a conversation (e.g. “What hospital are you going to give birth at?”) or my proud mother decides to tell the world. :-P Either way it ends up coming up in general conversation more than I thought it ever would. Weirdly, the reaction generally isn’t shock or disgust, but “Are you planning on a water birth?” Somehow home birth and water birth appear to have gotten intertwined, at least in my neck of the woods.

What’s my answer? Maybe. Yeah, I’m awesomely non-committal like that.

I have no idea what I’ll feel like doing when I’m in labor. How would I possibly know? From what everyone says, the water is great when you’re in labor. Personally, I didn’t really like it last time. That may have been because I didn’t use it late enough in labor (the only tub was in my in-laws’ bathroom and I didn’t feel like disturbing them late at night, especially when I didn’t think I was close to birth yet). It could be that Peanut was posterior. I have no idea, I just know that I filled the tub and got back out within a few minutes because it just wasn’t helping me. What helped me was being on all fours in the shower and counter-pressure.

So who knows if it’ll help this time. Maybe it’ll be a lifesaver like everyone says it is. Maybe I’ll be disappointed with it’s lack of effectiveness again. Maybe I’ll be in an out of it and happen to be out when I want to push. So I’m planning on having on having it available (my midwife says that she has a kiddie pool that works perfect for birth and we can borrow), but I’m not going to make any decisions on what I want to do with it until I’m there. Like so many things with labor, it just varies.

I am now 33 weeks and 1 day pregnant. I am feels So. Incredibly. Pregnant. I seriously can’t understand how I have another two months to go! I’m sleeping all the time, still have heartburn like crazy, am irrationally irritable (though doing better on the “mean mommy” front I would say), and just sooooo uncomfortable. I don’t remember feeling like this so early last time.

I also don’t remember being so bit. I’ve been sneaking baths in the jacuzzi tub at both my in-laws’ and my parents’ whenever we go over there (our tub is pathetically small) and they both have very large mirrors that go lower than mine does. When I’m getting ready to get it the tub, I literally look at myself and think “Holy crap! When did I get this big?!?” I’ve on multiple occasions thought about having my husband come up and marvel at my large-ness, but then realize that he sees it every day. Even with feeling huge, I amazingly don’t feel fat. Honestly, the acne on my back bothers me more than my size. I still feel like my pregnant body is beautiful.

Breastfeeding in the Third Trimester

I’m 33 weeks now and things are still going steadily on the nursing front. Peanut still loves it and it gives me the ability to go to sleep, which is very much appreciated at the moment. We have no plans on stopping. Really, even if it wasn’t an enjoyable experience I probably wouldn’t stop right now because I’d worry that Peanut would get jealous when the baby comes and gets to nurse.

I have been experiencing one nursing problem that I literally have not had to deal with in over two years–engorgement. Peanut generally nurses at naptime, bedtime, and in the morning. Generally on both sides (unless she falls asleep on the first side). This has been working well for us and she’s definitely gotten what she wanted supply-wise, but then all of a sudden my supply seemed to ramp up and I actually got engorged!

Granted, this particular day was one where Peanut was in preschool through naptime, so we missed that nursing session. We also may have skipped the morning session, I’m not sure. So by the time that the evening came, I was very full on one side and pretty full on the other too. My right side was actually to the point of tenderness. Considering that I’ve had low supply issues as a general rule, I literally haven’t felt engorged in at least two years, if not longer. It’s a really weird sensation for me!

Considering how uncomfortable it was, I can say that it’ll be nice to have another nursling there to help take up some of the slack when engorgement happens in the early days. It was such relief to actually have her nurse! It also makes me hopeful that I won’t have supply issues after Twig is born.

I’ve also implemented a rule that someone suggested to me at La Leche League that seems to help with any of the discomfort I was having with nursing her in the daytime. We now only nurse in the bed. It’s not a hard-fast rule. The other night when we were over at Mema’s and she wanted to nurse before we left for home, I nurse her sitting on the couch. It’s considerably more painful when nursing upright though because we can’t get quite the right position and she gets distracted and whips her head around (an over-exaggeration, but that’s what it feels like to me). At home though, when she asks to nurse I tell her we have to go lay down then. Often she just decides to wait to nurse, which is fine by me.

How is nursing going for everyone else? Anyone else have experiences they’d like to share from nursing late in pregnancy? Any tips on my upcoming days of nursing a newborn and a toddler?

Listening to My Body

30 Weeks 0 Days

Something that makes so much sense is so often unexplored–listening to your body.

In our society, we’re very much into the immediate. If we’re hungry, we want our food into our hands in 2 minutes at the McDonald’s drive-thru window. If we’re tired, we want the immediate pick-me-up of a 5-hour Energy drink. If we want a new couch like the one in the magazine, we put it on our credit card and have it delivered the same day.

Over the past few years, I’ve worked to be more mindful of my body and what it is telling me. It all started with my headaches. I used to get killer migraines all through high school. I was lucky enough that, for some reason, getting pregnant with Peanut made them virtually disappear. It wasn’t until well after Peanut was born that I had another migraine. I did have the occasional headache though and I decided I wanted to know why rather than just fix it.

So I started looking at possible causes. Was it lack of food? Dehydration? Stress? Did I just need a nap? I almost always ended up fixing the headache without resorting to medicating myself. Logically, this has extended to my pregnancy, as I mentioned here. This extends beyond the realm of just not taking medications. People often want a quick fix to the “annoying little things” in their lives like needing sleep. For me, I’m just going to sleep.

Yes, this means I am sleeping a lot. This means that most days I nap with Peanut (which sometimes goes as long as 3 hours) and then I sleep another 9 hours at night. I understand that this is temporary. I understand that it is what my body needs right now. Maybe it’ll just last a few weeks, maybe it’ll last the rest of my pregnancy, either way it’s okay to get sleep.

I don’t know why we need to emphasize that sleep is good. One of the number one pieces of advice that you get as a new mom is “Sleep when the baby sleeps” and most new moms still don’t do it. Why do we have to actually tell ourselves to sleep? We force our bodies to stay awake so that we can fit more in our day. Yes, I’m not accomplishing nearly as much as I was a few weeks ago, but I am a much happier person. Isn’t that worth it?

I am now 30 weeks and 0 days pregnant. 3/4 of the way! Woohoo!

I can’t believe I already feel this huge when I still have over two months to go. I’m also TMI ALERT frustrated that my hemorrhoid is acting up (a lovely leftover from the last pregnancy). Heartburn is still sucky, but eating {literally} constantly has helped. Obviously, I’m sleeping nearly as much as I’m awake. Not-so-coincidentally, I feel much happier than I have in weeks. I’m also working on this whole not obligating myself thing. Getting rid of a bunch of the “we do this on this day” stuff and spending more time at home as done wonders for my mood.

Newsletter-October 2011

Hello Lactating Girl Family,

It’s been a busy and happy month for us. Of course, school is in full swing at the moment, which makes our days pretty full within themselves. We’ve taken more than a few days (where Mama doesn’t have class) off from preschool to hang out at home though. I need to remember to keep myself motivated for the last month of the semester. I’m just so excited to be home with the two of you next semester (and beyond), so it’s hard to keep myself in the school-mindset.

Peanut, I am amazed at how you are developing. Your memory is astounding! When I ask if you want to go to the library, you tell me that you do want to go to the one with the blocks, but not the one with the bear. Obviously, you’re not too hot on bears. This particular library has a big bear that’s sitting in a rocking chair right by the front door. It’s the main library so we’ve gone there a couple of times to get a wider selection or to pick up a book we didn’t want to wait to be transferred to our library. Even with those couple of times of being there, you remember that you don’t want to go back because of the bear.

You’re also speaking in full sentences all of the time now. Honestly, you have been for a while, but I guess I just forgot to mention it in the newsletters. Just in the time I’ve typed this, you’ve said “I see my dog down there. Hi!” and “You want some of my cookie?” Of course, you don’t always have perfect grammar, but it’s still amazing how well your language is developing.

Twig, you are just growing right along! You’ll be born in 10 weeks give-or-take and you have a strong kick! You’re already taking my breath away when you get my ribs just right. The midwife says you’re posterior, just like big sis, which isn’t a big deal at this point, but I will do everything in my power to make you flip around.

You’re incredibly active now. Sometimes so much so that I can’t sleep. As I typed the last sentence, you kicked me twice. It seems like me laying on my side is a good enough reason for you to kick me simultaneously on both sides. It’s pretty amusing. You must be doing the splits or something.

Peanut is pretty excited about you coming. We talk about all of the things that are going to happen before you come (e.g. Thanksgiving, school ending) much like we do a list of errands to run. She always feels my belly and tells me she feels you moving, but I don’t think she actually does most of the time. It’s still cute though. She also loves whispering secrets to you.

Here’s a photo of the 3 4 of us dressed up for Halloween. My blog readers will have already seen it, but I still want to post it here because it’s kind of like our first family photo of all of us.

Love you both,

Mama

Pregnant With a Toddler

First thing in the morning at 29 Weeks 1 Day

Being pregnant with a toddler is hard. Some days it’s so hard I want to go back in time so I can slap myself during Peanut’s pregnancy for complaining so much. Some days it’s so hard I want to lock myself in my room. Some days it’s so hard I wonder why I even thought I should have another baby.

I’ve been trying to remember that it’s hard for Peanut too. Even though she maybe doesn’t understand all of it, she still feels her life changing. On top of this she’s at the age where they test their boundaries and she’s in a new preschool (though only has 5 weeks left). On top of even those things her mama isn’t dealing and that makes her not deal.

I understand that she plays off my emotions. I’ve been particularly stressed lately trying to handle her and pregnancy and schoolwork. Even when I feel I have a system down, I still feel stressed more often than not. I know that stress makes her stressed. I know that I lack the patience I once had. I know that I’m not present like I should be a lot of the time that I’m with her. I’m working on being more patient and present, but it’s a daily battle.

I write all this not to discourage anyone from getting pregnant who has a toddler or to say I regret getting pregnant, but just to say that it is hard a lot of days. Even if I wasn’t in school, I’m sure it would still be hard. When the baby comes, I know that it’ll get even harder because they’re so much easier to take care of when they’re inside. I know that moms with even more kids have it even harder. Pregnancy is wonderful, beautiful, and I cherish it, but also pregnancy is just plain hard. Some days I don’t even want to think about the fact that I’m pregnant, and that’s okay.

I can love my pregnancy and the life I’m growing inside of me in general without loving every second of it.

I am now 29 weeks and 0 days along. Woo third trimester (which actually started last week, but I haven’t updated in a while)! There are a lot of exciting things going on like crazy kicks (somehow I was feeling kicks on both sides of my stomach in the exact same place simultaneously today) and Peanut being excited about being a big sister (she tells me the baby will be small and cute and soft). There are also not-so-awesome third trimester things going on like constant heartburn and not being able to eat more than 2 bites without feeling like I’m going to implode.

Peanut is nursing a ton more and it’s kind of driving me nuts. I don’t want to wean, but I really wish that kiddo would calm down. Even when I tell her no (which I do frequently), she still goes nuts asking and asking. She won’t even go to sleep to daddy reading her books anymore, only nursing. When I nurse in the daytime it gives me much more heebeegeebees and is much more irritating (not painful per se, but makes me cringe a bit). I’m sure that a big part of this is directly related to the first section of this post (re the irritability and lack of patience and what not), but Gah! I happily welcome any advice on nursing your toddler during pregnancy.